Mind Your Business by Shalena D.I.V.A

Dig this: I was invited to an exclusive Lady’s Night. Within minutes I was mingling with the other ladies and having a great time. There was a young lady there whose face I recognized, but could not remember from where or how I knew her. I tried to let it go, but I was drawn back to this young lady and finally asked her quite bluntly: “Which circles do you run in?” She started naming a few organizations, but nothing rang a bell. Finally she says, “Well, I am a Delta!” For all you Greeks out there, it can be a very joyful time when you meet Frat or a Soror. As we exchanged information, it came to me how we knew each other. She pledged just up the Tobacco Road in North Carolina in 1999. She also attended my probate show in Spring of 2000. There—I made the connection. However, the connection did not stop there.

Quite naturally, I rattled off names of people I knew who went to her school. Being a socialite, she knew every person I mentioned. Oddly, she remarked that a certain individual I mentioned was dating one of her new sorority sisters. I soon realized that this person was also the long time boyfriend of one of my closest friends. “Wait, are you sure we’re talking about the same guy?” I asked her. Within seconds, we described the same individual. We had to be talking about the same person.

Here’s the scoop: This individual was dating both my close friend and a Soror at the same time. After my source was verified, I called my very good friend and broke the news to her. Despite my poetic grace, I could only manage to say, “Your boy is butt-rolling with one of my Sorors. He’s dipping out on you.” Her ensuing silence was heart breaking.

I told my then boyfriend the story and he said that I should have minded my own business and stayed out of it. How could I not tell one of my best girls that her man is cheating and denying her to the other woman who happens to be a member of my sorority? I think I did the right thing by telling my friend. I wasn’t snooping. The information basically fell into my lap. I wondered if it was meant for me to find out so I could tell my friend.

I think that you should tell your friend if you know of infidelity in his or her relationship. But I have heard of times when friendships are ruined because one friend tells the other that their boo is cheating on them. What do you think? Should friends not cross this line? What would you do? Have one of your friends ever told you that your boo was cheating on you? If so, did you believe them? Did you get angry with your friend? I want to know.

Be blessed!


P.S. Remember, everything has beauty—including YOU. It just takes a true D.I.V.A to see it!

© 2015, Shalena D.I.V.A. – Personal Branding| Content Marketing| Product Creation. All rights reserved.


  1. Michelle on May 12, 2010 at 2:20 pm

    I think you were absolutely right by telling your friend. I know men live by a different Code because they never want to feel like their in SOMEONE’S Business. If she’s truly a close friend of yours you’ll be there to comfort her and to wipe her tears, no matter how she found out because that’s what friends are for.

    Could you imagine how awkward it would’ve been if you kept that information to yourself and she called you to talk about it after she found out later on from another source?

    In college a friend of mine stopped talking to me because she didn’t believe her man was cheating. But when she saw it with her own eyes she apologized and we are still friends.

  2. ShalenaDiva on May 12, 2010 at 9:50 pm

    I agree with you, Michelle! I never thought of how awkward it would have been if I withheld my information and she came to me with it later. It’s sad, but your friend’s reaction is more of the norm. People tend to get mad at the messenger instead of the source. However, I will say I’m glad that you and your friend are still close because there was no need to let a man come between a good friendship. Why do we women get mad at our girlfriends for telling us the truth? Who knows.

    But men gossip more than women and they tell each other stuff, too. They just front around us. LOL!

    Thank you for commenting, Michelle. Be sure to subscribe because Monday’;s edition will be hot! Several women are contributing fabulous pieces that will make us all think.

  3. Shalena D.I.V.A. on May 6, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    This has always been a tricky topic for me. On the one hand you don’t want to get involved, but on the other hand, you want to tell your friend so they don’t look s…tupid in the end. But experience has taught me that it’s best to base your actions upon the nature of the friendship. Some people can handle certain things coming from you and others can’t.

  4. Ty on May 6, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    You can show them instead. Let them see it for him/herself…

  5. Donna on May 6, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    Nope…will never do it again…somehow I ended up being the liar!

  6. Jessica on May 6, 2011 at 1:59 pm

    Been there done that (at least attempted to) and let me tell you never again…People always ask, “you got my back, right?” And of course you do your best to reassure them but when the ish really hits the fan, they don’t really want to hear… it…classic shoot the messenger kind of thing. I mind my business & go about my day b/c I’m not about to argue with you over what I know for a FACT & you only speculate over…saying well I know my man/chic & he/she wouldn’t do that blah blah blah…I do not write scripts for soap opera,s I thought I was doing you a favor. So yes I have learned to bite my tongue & keep it to myself lol I guess ignorance really is bliss.

  7. Marina on May 6, 2011 at 1:59 pm

    I think its better not to cross this line,cause once i almost ruined friendship because of entering that topic,and told my friend truth about her man..she became angry and said i am too much involved in that,its not my business,etc..was not so pleasant to hear,cause i just wanted to help my friend not to look stupid in the end..but,would be better if i keep silence..

  8. Patricia on May 6, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    K…To me..it is a time when one should begin praying…unless. your friends or someONE that is close to them like her children might get hurt or killed.. All things be relevant to the personal safety of the person. Fo instance..i would not remain quiet if i saw evidence of violent behavior being demonstrated in the INFIDEL.

  9. Bernadette on May 6, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    Now with that being said! How about when it’s being done right in ur girlfriend face and she asts like she dosen’t see it. .where do we step in as a bestfriend

    • ShalenaD.I.V.A on May 6, 2011 at 2:10 pm

      @Bernadette-Once again, it goes back to the nature of your relationship. She may not want to hear the obvious from you. I’m learning to give people space to see things for themselves in situations like this and to not judge them. I just try to be there for them when they need me. But it takes a lot to stand by and say nothing when your friend is getting played.

  10. David on May 6, 2011 at 2:01 pm

    Most often it is good to ask for wisdom to handle such tricky phenomena. Do your best to talk to the person involved in infidelity(as your pal) so that extremes e.g. divorce is avoided. Let us do all we can to save relationships…

  11. Bernadette on May 6, 2011 at 2:02 pm

    not only she’s like she dosen’t see it but she’s really hurting behind it. And u tryed too talk to her about it but she’s still in love with the dude. Now you (the friend) finds ur self disliking him for what’s he doing again we as a friend should i leave well alone of try and help or support her? Help me please

    • ShalenaD.I.V.A on May 6, 2011 at 2:11 pm

      @Bernadette-At some point she’ll get tired and she’ll come around on her own. Just be there for her and don’t judge her. Pray for her. That’s the best you can do in that situation.

      • Bernadette on May 6, 2011 at 2:20 pm

        @Shalena thank’s no matter what i’ve been by her side with this problem (not liking it) but hey that’s what true friends are for. My shoulder will always be there for her to cry on as her’s (shoulder) was there for me……

  12. Rochelle on May 6, 2011 at 2:02 pm

    I wud want them 2 tell me*especially if we been friends longer than he has been n the picture*i hope they wud xpect the same from me*i was always the last one 2 know*it was his friends that knew*haha*i just got blessd*what was done n the da…rk came to light*then while his friends knew what he was doin*they was calln me*& telln me what they wud do with a woman like me*sheeeeesh*it all added up*now he wit his friends*IVE BEEN DELIVERED*THANK U BEST FRIEND JESUS*U SENT THE SIGN*I FOUND IT*YUPPPPPPPP(dang fingers hursh…lmbo)

  13. Walt on May 6, 2011 at 2:03 pm

    Yes a real friend should come clean, regardless of the outcome. Right is right. A person with character and integrity would tell all. If you say you love me then you should be honest in all things.

    • ShalenaD.I.V.A on May 6, 2011 at 2:11 pm

      @Walt—no matter what you do, you’re often caught between a rock and a hard place no matter what. I would say something.

      • Walt on May 6, 2011 at 2:20 pm

        ‎@shalena..this is true..none my “friends” (coughing) said a word when it happened to me…..i had find out the hard way.

  14. Nicole on May 6, 2011 at 2:03 pm

    My BF has a man who stays cheating on her and in the beginning she would ask me questions and even express that she wanted to know and a few times I told her, because I think I would want to know..notice I said “think” but after a while I started noticing that she wasn’t doing anything about it so what was the point of my telling her. I mean if I want information of that nature it’s to use it not just to know it.

  15. lawrence on May 6, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    My friend told me my ex was cheating, but I had a feeling it was confirmation

  16. Aysha on May 6, 2011 at 2:05 pm

    Neither! You confront the cheater & tell them what you know & that they better come clean!

    • ShalenaD.I.V.A on May 6, 2011 at 2:14 pm

      @Aysha—But what if they flip the script and make you out to be a liar. I’ve seen that done, too. They get to the person and say “Aysha is spreading lies about me. She may even come to you with that mess. I would never do that. She’s not really your friend. She wants to break us up.” Then what? I’ve heard of this, too.

      • Rochelle on May 6, 2011 at 2:18 pm

        At that comment she liein*she just tryna break us up…..HERE YA GO…..MAURYYYYYYYYYYY….HAHAHAHAHAHA

      • Aysha on May 6, 2011 at 2:19 pm

        Well if that’s the case then she made the choice to believe the liar & will suffer the consequences…us no longer being friends & God knows whatever else comes of their situation.

  17. Juivon on May 6, 2011 at 2:05 pm

    This is a tricky situation… Depending on the nature of the friendship with this person, if u can be real with them, cuz some ppl can’t handle that kind of heavy stuff & really think ur friend is trying to drive a wedge… It’s better to tread cautiously… If they can handle it lay it out straight. A wise & true friend will know how to use the info to their advantage!!!

  18. Wilnet on May 6, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    It depends on the relationship of each friend

    • ShalenaD.I.V.A on May 6, 2011 at 2:10 pm

      It totally depends on the nature of the friendship. I agree.

  19. Gabi on May 6, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    I have had that situation before. To be a true friend. I handled it in this manner. I spoke to my friend..telling her that I know about her cheating. I sympathised with her because I didnt know her reasons for it. But! I made it very clear …that cheating is wrong and against God’s Will. If she wanted to be blessed and forgiven that she would have to repent although; I told her that it is not my job to tell her husband that she is cheating. Its her job to be honest with him. She should stop cheating and get closure on her affair, repent before God and at the right time tell her husband. No matter which way it is revealed, sooner or later it will be revealed. Better that he hear it from her rather than hearing it from anyone else. She will have a chance to explain herself and face the music in a more honourable way. The marriage is btwn 2 ppl. We can only advise in the choices that’s made. The rest is upto them. As friends we r to support as none of us are perfect and we r not there to judge or slander each other. Else wots the point of calling yrslf a ”friend”?

  20. Sphamandla on May 6, 2011 at 2:21 pm


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