At one point in my life, I used to tell my family and certain close friends almost everything that was going on in my relationship. For the most part, they gave good advice, but it became overwhelming because everybody had an opinion about what I should do. I had so much chatter in my mind that I couldn’t hear myself think. Not only did some of my family and friends come to resent my fiancé for some of the things I shared with them, I found myself with a shrinking audience of people who’d listen to me after awhile. You see, your family and friends will start to tune you out whenever you come to them with your drama because they get tired of hearing it. When this happened to me, I looked to God for answers.

I have to be honest and admit that initially, I felt weird talking to God about problems I was having in my relationship. I felt like I was talking to myself because I was used to getting instant feedback from my best girlfriend.  I missed hearing her chime in with her nasally “uh hun” and “I know exactly what you mean, girl.” I also missed the comfort I’d get from knowing that she could totally relate to what I was saying. Although I didn’t get that instant feedback whenever I talked to God about my problems, I realized that He did give me advice in His own way that proved more valuable than any advice I could’ve gotten from my family or friends. For example, one morning after my daily devotions, I came across a scripture in the Book of Proverbs that really helped me to not only get through the day, but to keep my cool in the face of otherwise trying circumstances.

If you’ve been in any type of romantic relationship, you know there are times when you two can’t seem to stand one another. I don’t know why this is the case, but it’s a reality for some couples. You can go through a few days of purposely saying as little as possible to one another. During these times, the least little thing your lover says can tick you off—and I mean the least little thing. For example, they can say that the sky is blue and you let them have it. “What you mean the sky is blue?” you ask with your eyes bulging out of their sockets and your neck cocked to the side. “What, you think I’m too dumb to know that the sky is blue!”  In that instance, you acted a pure fool. The only thing you didn’t do in that situation was spin your head around 360 degrees like the Exorcist.

While I was going through this moody phase, the scripture that kept me was Proverbs 15:1- “A soft answer turns away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”  Before I would give a snarky answer, I’d think about this scripture and quickly change my tone. The interesting thing is that my calm response would catch my man off guard because he was expecting me to act like the Wicked Witch of the West. I really liked this new approach because it actually gave me power over my tongue and the situation. Later, I thanked God for leading me to that scripture and providing me with sound wisdom. Since then, I’ve used this piece of advice for all of my relationships and business dealings—and it’s worked. I continue to go to God and discuss all my problems with him and “leave them on the altar.” I really like doing things this way because it keeps external drama out of my relationship that I unwillingly invite in when I tell everybody my business.

The next time you have a problem in your relationship, try to go to God first and allow Him to lead and guide you instead of family and friends. His wisdom will not fail you. Can you relate to this situation?

Shalena Broaster tells her story in Souls of My Young Sisters: (Souls of My Sisters, an imprint of Kensington Publishing; June, 2010; $15.00; trade paperback), written and edited by Dawn Marie Daniels and Candace Sandy with a foreword by Madeline Smalls and Mary J. Blige. She joins sixty contributors who all tell their true stories, sharing their private pain in the hopes that it will inspire other women during difficult times.

© 2015, Shalena D.I.V.A. – Personal Branding| Content Marketing| Product Creation. All rights reserved.


  1. Talmeedah on June 1, 2010 at 7:24 pm

    Great advice Shalena! Beautifully stated.

  2. ShalenaDiva on June 2, 2010 at 10:47 am

    Thanks, Talmeedah! It’s easy to let folks into your business, but hard to get them out it! LOL!

  3. via Facebook on May 10, 2011 at 10:11 am

    I had to learn this lesson the hard way. You can’t let everybody in your business. I have one friend that I confide in outside of praying about a situation and that has made all of the difference in my relationship.

  4. Brenda Houston via Facebook on May 10, 2011 at 10:13 am

    Amen thats so true,blessings to you.

  5. James Gavin via Facebook on May 10, 2011 at 10:14 am

    good question! imma fall back on this one…….. Monitorin….

  6. Sharon McGlone via Facebook on May 10, 2011 at 10:15 am

    Yeah you are so right about that observation!

  7. Sophonia Goode via Facebook on May 10, 2011 at 10:16 am

    My momma always said keep ppl out of your business with u and your mate. Unfortunately I had to learn the hard way but I did.

  8. Perry Molelekwa via Facebook on May 10, 2011 at 10:18 am


  9. DivaMarie Hollenbach via Facebook on May 10, 2011 at 10:21 am

    My mother, Stella Boo, said this. “The same friend you confide in about your relationship will be one of the first to attempt to take your place.” I love my Divas and Sista-friends…but y’all can’t be all up in my house, or in my business …*this from a FB junkie….rofl*

  10. Shinda Martin via Facebook on May 10, 2011 at 10:23 am

    Reguardless what anyone says about your life or relationship do what’s going to make you happy. People going to talk if your single or if you with someone. So just take the negative message and let it goes in one ear and comes out the other.

  11. via Facebook on May 10, 2011 at 10:24 am

    @Ntosh–I think it’s true that you have to be careful what you share and how much, but I find that it’s always good to have soemone to confide in about certain things. You should always use discretion. But I think you run the risk of anyone telling your business no matter who it is, just look at Oprah.

  12. via Facebook on May 10, 2011 at 10:26 am

    @DivaMarie– I have a good friend who always says, “If you don’t want it told, then don’t tell it.” I guess nothing’s of the table when you share something about yourself. But this raises a good question, is there really a such thing as secrets anymore? Do you think folks keep secrets liek they used to?

  13. Elijah Ishaya via Facebook on May 10, 2011 at 10:36 am

    It scares me away from them……it happen to ones and will not like it to happen again……..:)

  14. DivaMarie Hollenbach via Facebook on May 10, 2011 at 10:53 am, no I don’t. I think most of the news stories we see on dysfunctional families is not NEW, rather just that we all talk or communicate a lot more. Now ME, I tell it first so the story can be kept straight.

  15. Karen Wilson via Facebook on May 10, 2011 at 10:57 am

    That is exactly what happened in my marriage outside interference men talk just as much as women you are right people that did not know me didn’t like me. It is a diffinite sign of insecurity and immaturity poor communication

  16. Mike Brulee via Facebook on May 10, 2011 at 10:59 am

    I agree and they do it right here on FB. Most of them.

  17. Karen Wilson via Facebook on May 10, 2011 at 10:59 am

    My marriage ended in divorce because he let everyone in his ear but me. There was no valid reason for us to be divorced and most of the people were jealous of us as a couple but he couldn’t see it

  18. via Facebook on May 10, 2011 at 11:33 am

    @Mike, yes! I’ve seen a few people put all of their busienss out on FB. I mean stuff that they shouldn’t say.

  19. via Facebook on May 10, 2011 at 11:34 am

    @Karen–That will do any relationship in. It’s like you have so much chatter going on in your mind that you can’t hear yourself or God speaking to you. And oh… don’t let the mother get involved. IT’S OVER!

  20. via Facebook on May 10, 2011 at 11:38 am

    @Karen, we talked about men gossiping more than women a few weeks back. Men are terrible when it comes to gossiping, too! Don’t get it twisted! They just blame everything on women. SMH!

  21. via Facebook on May 10, 2011 at 11:38 am

    @DivaMarie–You are so funny!

  22. Rosina Imsograteful Harris via Facebook on May 10, 2011 at 11:45 am

    @DivaMarie~~”HOLLA”…sister you all up in my head! That’s exactly how I feel…I’m not discussing anything, good or bad too much because the very one you confide in will be trying to take your place…I’m speaking from experience…

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