Have you ever had someone in your life, whether it is a parent, sibling, or lover who constantly encourages you to do something positive in your life? Deep down inside, you know that they are right. You know that you need to make some moves in your life. You know you need to get off your butt and get that G.E.D. You know you need to look for a job. You know you need to go back to school to get your degree. You know you need to lose weight and become more active. And to be quite honest, you really don’t need your loved ones constantly reminding you of these things.

One day you wake up and something clicks in your head. You make a decision to achieve whatever it is you’ve been putting off for whatever reasons. You sign up for that G.E.D. class, you join a gym, you go on an interview, you start moving in the right direction. You are proud of yourself for taking those first crucial steps towards a brighter future. But that same person who had been encouraging you to get yourself together suddenly starts acting funny. They are distant. They are not excited about what you’re doing. They make excuses for why they can’t help you. You don’t want to believe it, but it seems like they are hating on you for finally getting your act together. You may not tell them this, but you are crushed. Where is the support you expected them to show you? Shouldn’t they be happy for you, especially since you followed their advice?

In my experiences, I have found that some people want you to need them and they become threatened when you start making moves that will make you less dependent upon them. It’s like they are content when you are sad and depressed and constantly remind you that you can do better—saying that they are coming from a place of love. But they flip the script when you start applying their advice.

Has this ever happened to you? What was the situation? How did you deal with their lack of support? Did it change your relationship? Do you see this unsupportive person in a new light? What advice would you give to someone who is currently in this situation?

© 2014, Shalena D.I.V.A. – Personal Branding| Content Marketing| Product Creation. All rights reserved.


  1. Quiana on May 25, 2010 at 11:55 am

    Yes, it is true that sometimes when we make moves to do better for ourselves that the very ones who once encouraged us to do better will now start to sabotage or discourage us. It happened to me once. I was seeing a guy who was a working college student, and at the time I was unemployed and not enrolled in school. Knowing me to be an intelligent woman, he encouraged me to go back to school and get my degree. After I began to tutor him and his grades went from D’s to A’s, he started INSISTING that I go back to school. I couple of months later, I took his advice and enrolled in an online degree program. At first, he was proud of me and the grades that I was making. However, when I began to have less time to date and to tutor him, his smiles and words of encouragement decreased and his complaining, his accusations and his general “hating on me” seemed to increase ten-fold. As a single mother and also as a student at that time, I chose to ingnore the “hateration” and concentrate on my priorities.

  2. ShalenaDiva on May 26, 2010 at 8:31 am

    Quiana, some people need to feel needed and they can’t handle it when you don’t need them in acertain capacity anymore. That’s weird…

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