I remember arguing with an ex-boyfriend about how he was treating me. After trying to express myself in ways that conveyed how I truly felt, I got so frustrated because it seemed like everything I said kept falling on deaf ears. Finally, with tears in my eyes, I yelled, “I’m like a flower and you keep plucking off my petals!” He looked at me for a second and said, “That is the dumbest thing I ever heard you say…and you got a degree from Duke. You need to give it back!”

I was crushed and cringed as he said this through bouts of wicked laughter. He just did exactly what I told him he was guilty of, plucking off my petals. People express themselves through various mediums, but I feel most comfortable expressing myself through picture words. I viewed myself a s flower, a stargazer lily in fact. And whenever he’d put me down like he just did, I felt like he was plucking off my petals, the things that were important to me and made me who I am. You see, you can take the world’s most beautiful flower and make it unrecognizable by plucking off the petals. You leave a naked stem and traces of what once was.

If you look closely at the header of my blog you will see a stargazer lily tucked neatly in the bottom right hand corner with a butterfly perched on top of it. I asked my web designer to include a stargazer lily because it’s my favorite flower. I remember the first time I saw one on a vendor’s cart in downtown Philly. It was standing proud, tall and elegant with these huge, lovely white petals accented with fuschia stripes and purple polka dots. The stargazer seemed to be saying boldly to the world: “I’m here. I’m beautiful. I love life. Deal with it.”  I could smell its scent from a few feet away. I bought a few of them that day to place on my desk at work. I had no idea that God would use those flowers to teach me about myself.

I followed the vendor’s instructions, clipping the ends of the stems and placing the flowers in fresh water adding the flower food as specified. When I bought the flowers some of them were already opened, but a few bulbs were still closed. When I came back the next day to work I noticed a few things about my flowers that God brought to my attention. The first thing I noticed was that all the flowers were leaning in the direction of the light source, as if they knew instinctively where the light was coming from. I also noticed that one of the closed bulbs had opened like magic. I came back the next day and the same thing happened. The last bulb had finally opened and it was as lovely as all the others. I asked God why it took that one so long to open and He reminded me that He makes everything beautiful in its time–very much like me,a self proclaimed late bloomer. I may not get something on the first few tries, but I’ll master it soon enough.

I felt God speaking to me through these flowers in his still small voice. He let me know that like this flower, I was one of his beautiful creations, a designer’s original in fact. Just like the stargazer lily’s distinguishing petals with the purple polka dots, God let me know that my character traits made me special and peculiar. They identified me. My warm personality, my bright smile, my concern for others, my vivid imagination, my love of literature and writing were all individual petals on my flower. Although my ex-boyfriend laughed at me when I tried to explain this to him, this experience with the flowers assured me that I wasn’t being silly when I said he was plucking off my petals.

Many times, we as women get into relationships with people who delight in tearing us down, plucking our petals. They take our kindness for weakness trying to make us change who we are and become bitter. When a friend complains about being used and how she wants to stop helping people, I tell her not to change because that’s who she is and what makes her special. I also assure her that her concern for others is genuine and beautiful. Genuine concern for others is a beautiful trait to have. I only encourage my friends to be more wiser in who they help and how they help them. I’ve also talked to women who deal with people who try to tear down their self confidence by making them think that they are conceited because they take pride in getting good grades or having great credit. It’s kind of like the kids in junior high teasing the smart kid for doing her homework. My beautiful sisters, those characteristics about you that YOU love the most are your petals that distinguish you from anyone else in the world! There’s nobody else in the wolrd like you. Think about that for a minute. You can’t let people pluck those beautiful petals of yours.

The last lesson that God taught me with the stargazer lilies was that they gravitate and take on the nature of its light source. How many times have you been in an environment and noticed your personality being influenced by it? You have to be careful what you allow to infiltrate your mind. You also have to be careful what you feed your spirit. You need to be around positive light sources like positive people who will encourage you to be the best you can be instead of dark negative sources that will stifle your growth.

I want you to take the time out to think of a flower that reminds you of yourself and why. In many ways, when I look at stargazer lillies, they remind me of how I feel about myself on the inside. I may not be beautiful according to society’s standards, I may be a little overweight, I may even be too short, but I think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world on the inside. It took me a while to build up my self esteem and image, but I don’t apologize for it. I’m a great person to know. Have you ever broke bread with me? Have you ever shared a laugh with me, the kind that makes your sides ache the next morning? Maybe you’re a thorny rose that perservered and pushed through the concrete jungle in spite of all the obstacles that were in your way. Maybe you’re a cactus that is determined to survive even in the harshest of conditions. Maybe you’re a soothing aloe plant that brings comfort to others. Maybe you’re a Gerber Daisy that is just so darned cute! Once you settled on a flower, I encourage you to buy yourself some of those flowers. Don’t wait on someone else to buy them for you. Over the next few days, she what lessons they teach you about yourself. You’ll be surprised what they tell you.

Be blessed!


P.S.- Remember everything has beauty including YOU. It just takes a true D.I.V.A to see it!zxx

© 2013, Shalena D.I.V.A. – Personal Branding| Content Marketing| Product Creation. All rights reserved.


  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by KR Davenport, ShalenaD.I.V.A. ShalenaD.I.V.A said: FLOWERGIRL by ShalenaD.I.V.A: I remember arguing with an ex-boyfriend about how… http://goo.gl/fb/8q3Wd Be blessed! […]

  2. Mikenda Early on July 27, 2010 at 7:16 pm

    Shalena this is a great article, I think i can relate to al the flowers you mentioned so I think I will start a flower garden. But if I had to pick the rose would be my favorite then the aloe and cactus. LOL

    • ShalenaD.I.V.A on July 27, 2010 at 9:11 pm

      MIkenda, I’m glad you liked this article. I was concerned that people may not get my point. I like to think in picture words because it’s easier for me to express myself. I think flowers are awesome creations of God. Every one of us is unique and beautiful in our own way just like flowers. What one person may call a quirk in your personality may truly be a stroke of God’s genius within you.
      I always wanted to grow a garden because I know that nature has a lot of secrets to share with me. I love all flowers, but stargazer lillies are my favorite. They are sooo gorgeous–ooowwww!!! My next favorite flower is birds of paradise. They are so exotic and just beautiful. They look like colorful birds from the rain forest–no lie! God was really out there when created that one! LOL!
      Mikenda, you are definitely a beautiful flower. Thanks for sharing your gifts and talents with us.

  3. Friendly Christian on September 3, 2010 at 11:33 pm

    I’m alittle late reading and responding to the flowergirl article. I just want to say that I love lilies to simply because they remind me of Jesus. He is the lilly of the valley. I do buy myself flowers at times. I choose between the lilly and lavender. I love the smell of lilies and I live the color of lavender. I never really thought of myself as a flower but I have thought of myself as a thorn in the devil’s side. Needless to say Ms. S. Diva you have always been beautiful, unique, bold, daring, determined and just an awesome young lady. You were pretty tough too for a little girl even if you were afraid, you were still fierce. What ever the consequences you’d face the challenge. You were more of a leader of your mother’s children than those older than you. Now that you have developed into this gaint of a lady, graceful, with purpose and direction you can’t help but be all you are and were meant to be. The guy was a knuckle head and never knew the person he had in you because he didn’t recognize the prince in him. He had a pulper mentality. He and other’s like him can’t even imagine being a king so I give him the benefit of the doubt and refer to him as a prince. You my dear are worthy of a king. So when he opened his mouth and revealed his lack of insight he did himself a favor and a diservice. It was not a match made in heaven and you were unleashed. Praise God from whom all blessings flow.
    Friendly Christian

  4. Mike Brulee via Facebook on May 12, 2011 at 12:31 pm

    The last pluck of the stem tell you…you love or you don’t love. Its almost like Vodoo and we know what god say about Vodoo.

  5. www.shalenadiva.com via Facebook on May 12, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    I was in a toxic relationship with a guy who loved to make fun of the fact that I loved to read and write. He used to make me feel like I was corny or a nerd for loving to learn. There’s nothing like being with someone who makes you feel stupid for loving yourself or wanting to better yourself. If you don’t watch it, you’ll stop taking an interest in who you are and what you really love to do in an effort to please people who are so undeserving. One thing I’ve learned and I know for sure, you have to get away from people like that and continue to be yourself and do what you love because that is where true happiness is. I’m tired of seeing women who have gotten with men who have dimmed their inner lights and stripped away their inner beauty. I thank God that He delivered me.

  6. Rochelle Bacon Henriene via Facebook on May 12, 2011 at 12:38 pm

    lucked up and found 3 of them kinds….LMBO…..taught me that no one can tear u down if u dont deal with them…SO I LIVE ALONE…& i love every minute of it…only i can tear me down now…& that aint bout to happen cappen……nopeeeeee

  7. Brenda Houston via Facebook on May 12, 2011 at 12:39 pm

    Amen sis another good word,love it.

  8. Nkoro Bari via Facebook on May 12, 2011 at 12:47 pm

    u are god sent. I am wonderfuly made and so My love is 2 beautiful to be thrown back at me.

  9. www.shalenadiva.com via Facebook on May 12, 2011 at 12:54 pm

    @Rochelle, yes, only you can tear you down. If only more people knew that, they wouldn’t pay some folks any attention or allow them to mentally manipulate them. The leis they spew at you in attempts to tear you down can only take hold if you start to believe and allow them to penetrate your mind. I cut folks off with the quickness these days. I have no time for foolishness or people who mean me no good. i owe them no allegience and i don’t have to tolerate them. I’m not rude about it, I just keep it all theway real. My sanity, peace of mind, and life mission is more important than what they think of me. When i’m down, only I can pull myself up. Don’t get me wrong, god and His word and others are there to help, but I have to make up in my mind that I am going to change. It starts with me. So when folks are crying the blues to me, I remind them of the power they have to change. Real change starts within and manifests outwardly. And yes, only you can sabotage or bring you down.

  10. Chidinma Azu Evans via Facebook on May 12, 2011 at 1:03 pm

    i tried 2 protect one bt failed. 1day i hear her xclaim ‘my life!’ i see her cry but wen i ask why, she replies ‘water comes out of her eyes wen she’s tired or hungry’ but i see them as lies until i found out wot hapened. Yet I forgived her instead she became disrespectful. I broke of wt her n i fear dis wil bring a curse on her.

  11. www.shalenadiva.com via Facebook on May 12, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    @Sheila– the key is making sure you protect your own petals. People only treat you how you treat and respect yourself.When a true man after God’s heart sees how you treat, love, and carry yourself, he will take care fo those petals, lady! Be blessed!

  12. Jennifer Jordan via Facebook on May 12, 2011 at 1:36 pm

    So So true…You could,nt of said it better:)

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