As I lay here I think about all the heartache I have went through over the years. I  am reminded of how I gave my love away freely and got nothing in return. As I run my hand across the pillow where the love of my life’s head once laid  a tear sneaks out and trickles down my face. I journey back to the very first time we met time and time again. A smile always spreads across my lips, but then I wonder what went wrong. Have you ever been so in love with someone you can’t see straight?  This man became my world. He made me laugh without a cause. He encourged me when I felt down and reminded me that my faith in God has brought me through so many different trials. As the years passed he ultimately became my everything and  that is where I  went wrong. I noticed I started  losing a part of myself , the things I enjoyed really weren’t important  to me anymore.  He gave me more than the other guys in my past did because he  was my friend, too.   In all the love we shared there was also alot of hurt and pain. Over the years he turned into someone I didn’t really know and even though I loved him  I needed to let go. It became apparent to me that the love we once had was doing more harm than good. I took my eyes off God  and allowed the things  I loved  to take a backseat  just to make him happy or not to cause an argument. I remember how we went to church together, prayed together , and then all of a sudden I was taking the kids to church by myself. My grandmother always told me if the head  isn’t right then everything falls to the wayside and low and behold we fell and we fell hard. Our whole family was in chaos.  I stayed sick, we stopped getting along, and the children started cutting up so bad I wanted to run away.

Now that I have found time to reflect I know it was because I took my eyes off God and  put them on a man. Now by no means am I saying you are not to cater to your  man or put him first. What I am saying is that in doing all that don’t forget God and what is important to you. I am enjoying the journey God has me on in finding me. The funny thing is I didn’t know I had lost myself.When we fall in love, we as women tend to love hard  and we give our everything thinking that if we do then nothing will go wrong and they will love us forever, but in return we sometimes find that is not the case.  The love turns to pain. Where we once felt like flying we feel like we are dying. And that feeling where your heart starts to race just by being in their presence feels like it’s flat lining. Well I have been there maybe once or twice, but it’s nothing worst than splitting up with that person you thought you would spend the rest of your life with and wonder if you have purpose.

What makes you happy? What  do you want to contribute to the world? What are some of the things you like to do? Do you really like basketball or were you just transformed into a fan? Well I have asked myself these questions daily and I must say some of the answers are shocking. Take the time out and ask yourself personal questions to get to know you whether you’re in a relationship or not because maybe you’ll enjoy finding you as much as I am enjoying finding me!!!

Mikenda Early is a proud mother of three and currently resides in Nashville,TN. She works diligently with a non-profit organization named In Full Motion which prepares the youth in her community with the skills to achieve high ACT Scores so they may be able to go to college. She’s also pursuing a degree in Nursing at Nashville State while working on her first novel.

© 2011, Shalena D.I.V.A. – Personal Branding| Content Marketing| Product Creation. All rights reserved.


  1. PerSheda on July 12, 2010 at 12:01 am

    I love the article Kay. I can relate to this because we as women do tend to love hard and give our all and when it’s dashed we find that we’ve fallen hard. But since we’re strong women we do know to get back up dust ourselves off and live. Sometimes we also realize that maybe the one that we gave our all to was not the one that was meant for us and that there is someone that we’re destined to be with.

    • PerSheda on July 12, 2010 at 12:02 am

      lol i just realized i spelled my name wrong….again lol

    • Mikenda Early on July 14, 2010 at 10:18 pm

      Shenda thank you for readding my article and I am glad you could relate, you and I both know that God will work anything out.

      love you

  2. Monica on July 12, 2010 at 8:12 am

    Love the article! Congrats to you and praises to our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ for REVELATION!!! I am so proud of you and how far you have come. Love You Much!

    • Mikenda Early on July 14, 2010 at 10:15 pm

      Thanks Monica, you are the second person who spoke on Revelation concerning this article and I agree. God is truly moving.

  3. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by ShalenaD.I.V.A, ShalenaD.I.V.A. ShalenaD.I.V.A said: Finding Me! by Mikenda Early: As I lay here I think about all the heartache I… Be blessed! […]

  4. Elaine Broaster-White on July 12, 2010 at 12:19 pm

    Awesome article, so many of us have either found ourselves in this or we’re in it right now. One thing I have learned the hard way is that God is a jealous God. Isn’t it good to know that having or being with a man doesn’t define you?

    We must first love ourselves to truly love someone else. And that true love can only be experienced through knowing God.

    Thanks, Mikenda

    • Mikenda Early on July 14, 2010 at 10:13 pm

      Thank you Elaine for reading my article and supporting my work. Iam enjoying this journey God is taking me on and for blessing me with Shalena, she is a God send.

  5. James on July 12, 2010 at 1:09 pm

    Great Article!!!! I think that everyone should get to know themselves but most of all am proud and happy to see that you took the time to get to know you and what you like in life. Always remember if it had not been for GOD where would we be. So know matter what we do in life GOD needs to be at the head of it. Love you and may GOD continue to bless you and take you to higher heights.

    • Mikenda Early on July 14, 2010 at 10:10 pm

      Thanks James for taking the time out to read my article, your support is very important to me.

      Love you

  6. Johnnie on July 12, 2010 at 8:38 pm

    Well said. I can relate to this article if no-one else can, and I appreciate you for writing it, I guess I needed to hear these words right about now. We all need to learn to get to know ourselves before anyone else can get to know us.. Every word that you wrote really hit home.. Thanks again for this article……

    • Mikenda Early on July 14, 2010 at 10:09 pm

      Thank you Auntie Johnnie for your support. I pray that you will continue to be blessed.

      Love you

  7. Sharmetra on July 13, 2010 at 10:52 am

    This article is very inspiring and motivating. It gave me the boost that I needed to help get focused on my relationship with God. Thanks for sharing!

    • Mikenda Early on July 14, 2010 at 10:06 pm

      Sharmetra, thank you for taking time out to read my article. I think we all have to be reminded from time to time to stop and focus on our relationship with God.

  8. Mary Perry Taylor on July 13, 2010 at 7:08 pm

    I truly enjoyed this article daugther! You touched my heart deeply.I love you and Praise Almighty God In Jesus Christ Name for you. Keep finding you!

    • Mikenda Early on July 14, 2010 at 10:03 pm

      thank you mom for all the support, and letting me know God is always there.

      love you

  9. Farina on July 14, 2010 at 8:24 pm

    WOW!! Looking forward to reading more 🙂

  10. ShalenaD.I.V.A on July 15, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    Hey, Mikenda! I’m so glad you wrote this article because I can definitely relate. IT’s so easy to get caught up in so many other things and lose focus on God and what truly makes us happy. Finding yourself can be a very interesting experience because it’s liekyou’re meeting a new person. I think we take ourselves for garnted far too much and that is why we lose interest in ourselves. But we are interesting people who deserve to be explored.

    Thanks, again!

  11. hmm on July 21, 2010 at 3:05 pm

    Ok so ummm chill on James. While I don’t wholly agree. I kinda feel some of what he says…. but wats alarming is responces from people like Clara…. its always refreshing to encounter such ripe anger. Its ugly. J-ball gotta right to his opinion. And so do you. He made a good point. Whether you agree or disagree. And the responces have helped me see it in a different light. Thanks you guys. But ole gurl was trippn hard. Calm yo angry ass down.

  12. Angel on April 12, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    I loved the article! Thank you for sharing.
    “Where we once felt like we were flying we feel like dying.” Wow! Powerful statement. I’ve been there so many times. But I can truly say that I love myself too much now, to ever lose Angel in another relationship.

  13. Shalena D.I.V.A. on May 12, 2011 at 4:27 pm

    I love this article sooo much because I’ve definitely lost myself in a few relationships. It’s as if I out my life, dreams, and ambitions on hold for my man. I became totally consumed with him and forgot about me. I felt empty, but thought …it was ok because I was all about my man. This is a bad decision. Don’t put your life on hold for someone else because in the end, you’ll have nothing for you. I learned this lesson the hard way and I refuse to ever give up what I love to do in the name of love because I won’t be happy at the end of the day.

  14. Kitty on May 12, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    i don’t think nothing will go wrong actually i will kinda be shock if no trials occur…but losing ya self is bad…must never do such. i love deeply but thats bcuz the person wants me to or bcuz they have such grreat qualities. guess it hurts more when u give all cuz u wanna plz someone than if u threw ya love without thinking twice…hmmm

    • ShalenaD.I.V.A on May 12, 2011 at 4:35 pm

      @Kitty—doesn’t everyone want to be loved in return?

  15. Merrika on May 12, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    wow just read this artical and it reminded my own experince and what i went tho.I did give it my everything. And its true I didnt even no that i had lost myself..and the same thing happend to me with God. God is so graceful and forgiving.He… allowed me to return to him. I learned many a lesson form my own experince and i try to teach others when I can.For the last year and a half I have been rediscovering what makes me happy. I feel as tho God is moving me into a new direaction and place..I never would have come to this if I was still with my ex. But I am greatful beacuse beacuse my heart is sitll opened after all of my disappoiment and abuse..for my heart has a purpose..I reap what I sow..I’m not giving up tho just maybe moving into a diffrent direcation with it and my life period. Which I am cool with beacuse God is the best GPS I can ever have!

  16. Akanni on May 12, 2011 at 4:29 pm

    Yes i give ma all in whn am in luv.but it all depend on whom u r wit dat wht mata.all d same we shld jst bi carefull so we not fell in d wrong hands.

  17. Crystal on May 12, 2011 at 4:29 pm

    Yes I have lost myself before. So glad I been found. Was blind but now I see. This happens when we don’t love ourselves and don’t know the love of the Lord!

    • ShalenaD.I.V.A on May 12, 2011 at 4:36 pm

      @Crystal—I’ve found that when I’m walking in fellowship with God, I don’t do this—lose myself. I guess that’s a great point and a good reminder for us. It’s so easy to get caught up like that.

      • Crystal on May 12, 2011 at 4:47 pm

        Yes we allow our desires to make the way blurred. Clarity avoids collision!

  18. Mike on May 12, 2011 at 4:30 pm

    Remember, God has your mate for you, just have to be pation and he will come to you.

  19. Tranquility on May 12, 2011 at 4:31 pm

    Wow! So true a lot of ur posts I can relate to its as if u r talking about things I have going on in my life…I love coming to ur page to read ur posts…very motivational & inspiring

    • ShalenaD.I.V.A on May 12, 2011 at 4:34 pm

      @Tranquility—Thanks! I’m glad you support this page. Don’t forget to sign up for the conference call. It starts next Monday. Just go here:

      • Tranquility on May 12, 2011 at 4:44 pm

        I did it yesterday!

  20. Allen on May 12, 2011 at 4:32 pm

    Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable…..

  21. Christina on May 12, 2011 at 4:39 pm

    Reading this brought up too mny mementoes

  22. Christina on May 12, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    Hate da memories wish I had sumone to help me during those times

    • ShalenaD.I.V.A on May 12, 2011 at 4:41 pm

      ‎@Christina—I’ve felt that way so many times about various things I went through. I wish someone was there for me, but I now realize that God was there for me the entire time. I also realize that we go through things to help others. What did you do to get back on track?

      • Christina on May 12, 2011 at 4:45 pm

        I got sick n tired of being cheated n hurt… I started dancing with my sister…. Writing more peoms….. Eventually lockn my heart up…..

  23. Kitty on May 12, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    i believe so yes…but i think it have levels of love and some ppl give out more sometimes and don’t receive same amount or even enough…its like some ppl choose ppl who will love them more than they will so they wont be hurt….and the poor victim ends up hurt and continue to ask y…sigh

    • ShalenaD.I.V.A on May 12, 2011 at 4:42 pm

      @Kitty and Akanni—I don’t think people really chose who they’ll date anymore. I think most people like whoever likes them back and jumps into a relationship with them instead of getting to know the person. It’s sad. I also think some women give too much of themselves too soon.

      • Kitty on May 12, 2011 at 4:46 pm

        i don’t ever wanna lose myself cuz thats all we have…but if i do i hope somebody wakes me up.

        • ShalenaD.I.V.A on May 12, 2011 at 4:48 pm

          @kitty—I’ll wake you up, girl! LOL! I’ll throw a bucket of cold water on you, ok? LOLOLOLOL!!!!

          • Kitty on May 12, 2011 at 4:50 pm

            ha ha u better cuz i don’t wanna lose my swag and smile….:) lol

  24. Mike on May 12, 2011 at 4:46 pm

    Satan is out there just waiting for you to make that old time mistake, that God always tell about.

  25. Christal Pierce-phillips via Facebook on June 29, 2011 at 7:29 pm

    I sure did for 5 years I lost myself in my marriage but when I broke free I found myself and I’m back and better than ever thanks be to God

  26. Onmywaytothetop Nostops via Facebook on June 29, 2011 at 7:29 pm

    Its ya life…….do you cuz nobody going to do for you

  27. Roger Duncan via Facebook on June 29, 2011 at 7:31 pm

    What ? Who hasn’t? Freedom is letting go and finding who you are..if your mate is holding you back from shining, bust loose and shine like the star you were meant to be..and if anyone in particular needs me to help them shine, I got my buffer

  28. Loretha Franklin via Facebook on June 29, 2011 at 7:37 pm


  29. Trisha Spencer LoGrasso via Facebook on June 29, 2011 at 7:44 pm

    Yes I did in a my marriage, for 10yrs, now I am me again. I am so happy that I found myself through Gods grace and wisdom. I am a happy mommy of 7.

  30. via Facebook on June 29, 2011 at 7:47 pm

    I lost myself and didn’t realize it until I recognized that I wasn’t doing what made me happy anymore. If was like he was sucking the life out of me. But the more of me he drained the more evil he became. I had to seek God to find the strength to let go. I thought I couldn’t find anyone better than him. Now I keep a balance. I stay active in my interests and refuse to put my life work on hold for someone. You should be with someone who wants you to succeed.

  31. via Facebook on June 29, 2011 at 7:49 pm

    @Trisha how did u find yourself again? I had to seek God and believe what he says about me in his word.

  32. Pat on June 29, 2011 at 7:51 pm

    Don’t usually stop to read personal articles, but something caught my eye and I started reading and couldnt stop because this person was me a couple of years ago. I gave up me to be what he wanted and when I went through a devastating accident he would not even come to the hospital to see me. Talking about hurt and depression. A year ago this article would have me in tears but she is right…..once you reconnect with GOD and your values life can be so beautiful….took 3 years but when I reflect back I can smile and keep smiling!

  33. via Facebook on June 29, 2011 at 7:51 pm

    @Roger why you gotta be Gangsta Boo tonight? L

  34. Trisha Spencer LoGrasso via Facebook on June 29, 2011 at 7:53 pm

    I realized that My ex was also sucking the life out of me and when I hit rock bottom and the deepest depression I had to realize I was worthy of living for God put me here to be the best women I could be and Mommy. It took a lot of prayer and inner strength to find me. But I did it and I am a strong independent women. And I am yes single and I love it.

  35. Roger Duncan via Facebook on June 29, 2011 at 8:00 pm

    DIVA, you know I. Can’t be suave and debonair all the

  36. Nikiya Thompson via Facebook on June 29, 2011 at 8:03 pm

    I asked myself if I was doing the right thing and if this guy was who I was supposed to be with. I ended up breaking things off with him.

  37. via Facebook on June 29, 2011 at 8:04 pm

    We as women have to be so careful because it’s so subtle. A little of you here and there some pity there and the next thing you know you don’t recognize the woman in the mirror anymore. Also be wary of people who try to isolate you from family and friends.

  38. Nikiya Thompson via Facebook on June 29, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    I also asked God to get me away from him. I have not seen this guy in 11yrs. I have been happily married for 10 yrs

  39. Tracye Moore via Facebook on June 29, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    i REALLY wanted to win my beautiful dress,i had to find one similar to it

  40. via Facebook on June 29, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    @Roger do men lose themselves too?

  41. Roger Duncan via Facebook on June 29, 2011 at 8:10 pm

    DIVA, I don’t know how old/ young you are, but let me tell you this, its not only men that try to isolate the women from their families, women do it as well, my children could barely go to MY peoples house without my ex having a fit. So trust me when I say it goes both ways..

  42. via Facebook on June 29, 2011 at 8:10 pm

    @Nikita how hard of a decision was that? How did you find the courage to move on?

  43. Nikiya Thompson via Facebook on June 29, 2011 at 8:14 pm

    I realized that I had to move on. He was an abusive drug dealer and I also found out he was sleeping with my cousin. Now both of them have sonething I’d never want: a deadly disease.

  44. via Facebook on June 29, 2011 at 8:16 pm

    Roger I am 32. I guess I always hear the stories about men
    That’s why I ask y’all questions so I caperspective my perspective.

  45. Donna White-Blake via Facebook on June 29, 2011 at 8:17 pm

    I lost myself in my marriage, gave up my career in law enforcement, starting dressing like he wanted me to dress, stop being friends with certain people. Divorced his @$$, got my career back in law enforcement and doing better than ever. Happier than I ever been!

  46. via Facebook on June 29, 2011 at 8:19 pm

    Nikiya I know that prayer you prayed. I prayed it too and I haven’t seen old boy in 5 years and would like to keep it that way. I no longer trusted him with my life. I felt like he could harm me at any moment.

  47. via Facebook on June 29, 2011 at 8:23 pm

    @Donna weren’t you miserable trying to be someone you weren’t?

  48. Nikiya Thompson via Facebook on June 29, 2011 at 8:24 pm

    I feel the same way. I thank God that I have’nt seen him In a long time

  49. Courtney ReVae' via Facebook on June 29, 2011 at 8:25 pm

    I lost myseld in a relationship, without even trying or him asking me to. Before I knew it I was no longer me. I didn’t realize it til after the break-up and the wounds healed. When I stepped back and looked at my past, I know it was only by God’s grace and mercy that I got out. I SAW AND COULDN’T SEE NOTHING!

  50. Donna White-Blake via Facebook on June 29, 2011 at 8:26 pm

    Very…I will never be in a relationship with someone if I can’t be myself!

  51. mikenda early on June 29, 2011 at 9:16 pm

    @p lacy, is it crazy how so easily it is toloose yourself in someone else for the sake of love. But the joy we both have found is that we didn’t stay there. Continue to keep God first.

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