Philadelphia Domestic Relations Court (aka 34 S. 11th Street) can be a frustrating waste of time for some or an empowering opportunity to obtain justice for others. YOUR particular experience depends on your level of preparation BEFORE you get there.  Obtaining court-ordered child support is not difficult, but you need to know what you are getting into when you get tired of reasoning with the other party and showing him/her that life is much simpler without having to spend your days in DR Court. Nevertheless, when disagreements and stone walling arise…head straight to 34 S. 11th street.

Please note…You should try to get to 34 S. 11th Street as EARLY as possible. There is usually a line forming out of the door and into the street and you have to go through a security check complete with a metal detector. Also you’ll have to surrender your cell phone (unless it is plastic and can avoid detection). You can also consider going after work on Wednesdays when the court is open until 7:00 pm, and usually EMPTY.

 1st STEP: FILING A CHILD SUPPORT COMPLAINT. This is a simple procedure that usually ends up taking no more than two hours of your time. Just make sure when you do file, you are absolutely sure that you are ready to follow through with it. It can be very time consuming. Under the law both parents are responsible for providing financially for a child. Be sure to have as much information about the other party as you can provide especially a current address and any employment information. Also bring any document that established that the other party acknowledged paternity. ****Attorney Alert**** You don’t really need one yet !!!!

 2ND STEP: ESTABLISHMENT CONFERENCE. Okay, unfortunately, the drama begins here. There’s a waiting area where people sit on top of each other. Strangers with varying levels of etiquette and personal hygiene will be staring in your face. Bring reading material.

 The Conference Officer is a city employee, i.e. “the bureaucrat.” By now, your basic information has been entered into the computer system. The bureaucrat sits behind a desk, while the parties sit beside each other. The bureaucrat will verify your information and type additional information into the computer, not really looking anywhere other than their computer screen.

 First Issue: Paternity 

 If the party being sued for child support is male, the issue of paternity will arise if there is no information that he acknowledged that he is the father of the child. The “system” will have this information if the father signed paperwork in the hospital, acknowledging Paternity. Please note, Pa. Law no longer requires a mother to include the name of a father on the child’s birth certificate. Doesn’t make much sense, but this is the law.

If paternity was never determined, the bureaucrat will ask the father if he will acknowledge paternity by signing an acknowledgement of paternity form. If he refuses, the hearing is over. All parties, including the child, are ordered to come back to 34 S. 11th Street for DNA testing. If the father does agree that the child is his, he is made to sign a form indicating that he agrees he is the father.

 Second Issue: Amount of Support Order

The bureaucrat then takes the parties’ pay stubs (if both bring them) and enter the information into a computer which magically spits out “the figure.” The figure is the amount of child support that must be paid based upon the Pa. child support guidelines. Okay, now here comes the whooping and hollering when one party doesn’t want to pay the amount. Comments range from, “I’m not ‘bout to pay all that…I got a car payment,” or “Sheeeeeeet…I look like I got a contract with the Sixers?”  to “I’m not paying that…” Don’t feed into the comments. There is no need to say a word, at this point. Please note, the bureaucrat usually generates the wrong amount. It is usually lower than the correct amount. In light of that fact, and the loud complaints, the bureaucrat, at this point, informs both parties that if they are not satisfied with the amount they can request a Master’s Hearing.

 The party being sued for support may claim to be not working. Have no fear, the court has something for that situation. The Master’s Hearing ……****Attorney Alert*** None needed at Support Conference but if you are scheduled for a Master’s Hearing you need to start looking for a good attorney.


 At the conclusion of the Establishment Conference, where one is requested, both parties will be given ‘notice’ for the Master’s Hearing. This notice tells you the date, time and location of the Master’s Hearing and most important, the name of the ‘Support Master’ who will be hearing your case.

 As soon as you leave the Establishment Conference, start looking for a good FAMILY LAW attorney. Now is not the time to look up that attorney who handled your cousin’s car accident case or your girlfriend’s brother’s criminal case. The bar association route might be too costly. You need to start asking friends who have or had support cases who they hired. Consult with different attorneys. PLEASE take the time to go to the Pennsylvania Attorney Discipline website ( ) to see if the attorney has had any prior….ummm…issues, like complaints from clients whose money they took and didn’t show up in court….Please note if an attorney wants to  charge you more than $500.00 for a Master’s Hearing, thank him or her for their time and leave. It is an important step in obtaining child support but $300.00 to $500.00 would be a fair figure considering most Master’s Hearings take no longer than 30 minutes. If you have a complicated case that requires more than the allotted 30 minutes be prepared to pay more.  

The Support Master is an attorney who hears testimony from both parties. The Master begins by questioning the party who filed the support complaint. The Master’s Hearing is recorded. The Master will ask various questions about your finances. Do not get offended. They need this information and will be simultaneously entering it into a computer to calculate the amount of support due under the Pa. guidelines. Be sure to have proof of your income, day care expenses, summer camp expenses, contracts for dance lessons and/or private school.

 Next the Master will allow the other party, the ‘Respondent’ to question you. If he has an attorney, the attorney will do the questioning. If not, the Respondent will attempt to cross-examine you and things quickly deteriorate into Def Comedy Jam. The Respondent has NO CLUE what they are doing and typically ask questions designed to embarrass you, like “How much you spend every week getting your hair and nails done?” OBJECTION….SUSTAINED. “Is is true you don’t let me claim Courtney on my income taxes?” ANSWER…SHE DOESN’T LIVE WITH YOU. “How much do you be gettin’ from your other baby father?”At this point the Master will curtly ask, “Do you have any relevant questions?” The Respondent typically does not and the hearing moves along. Even if the Respondent has an attorney do not be surprised if the attorney used the same line of irrelevant questions designed to embarrass, harass or make you angry enough to start cussing or becoming belligerent. Most of these attorneys are incompetent. The Master disregards irrelevant testimony. Keep your cool. Confine your responses to one word answers as much as possible.

The Master will then question the Respondent, asking the same questions he or she asked you. The Respondent is required to present EVIDENCE of his income, pay stubs, pay checks, Income Tax Returns, W-2 forms, Social Security Disability Paperwork (if Respondent claims a disability), Dept. of Public Welfare info. (if Respondent claims to be on public assistance) or SSI information is evidence. Letters from dubious people explaining various things, whatever Respondent is claiming…is not considered good evidence.

 Next, the Master will allow you, the ‘Petitioner’ to cross-examine the other party about his finances. If you have an attorney or if you are without one, NOW IS THE TIME TO ASK ALL THE QUESTIONS YOU WANT ABOUT ANY INFORMATION YOU HAVE ABOUT THE RESPONDENT’S FINANCES. Everything is fair game, under the table job money, money from selling weed, money from gambling, money from hitting the number, and money from that second job he thinks you don’t know about. If you   have an attorney, make sure you give him any and all information regarding your knowledge of the Respondent’s finances BEFORE, the Master’s Hearing so that you are not in there passing notes or pulling on your attorney’s arm while they are trying to question the Respondent.

 Attempted slickness at the Master’s Hearing:

 Respondent: “I’m unemployed…”

Solution #1: If Respondent is receiving unemployment compensation, this is considered income and the court can issue an attachment for the amount of the ordered child support.

 Solution #2: Ask the Master to determine Respondent’s “imputed income.” The Master will do this anyway. What is means is that the Master will question the seemingly hapless Respondent about his educational level and background, prior jobs, and relative health. The Mater will then determine based upon those criteria how much Respondent SHOULD BE EARNING. The support order will be based upon that amount. The Court maintains a ‘Networking for Jobs” program that unemployed individuals are referred to. They refuse to participate at their at their own risk.

 Respondent:  “I gotta pay child support to my other son/daughter’s mother.” If there is another support order issued by any court within any county in Pa or stets in the U.S. it will be in the computer system and the Master will consider it in forming a support order. What also occurs is the Respondent comes in with a letter from the other mother(s) indicating (supposedly) the fact that Respondent pays that mother X dollars to support the child(ren) “outside of court.” This is where credibility is important. I have not seen a situation where such a claim was deemed valid.

 Respondent: “Look I take care of my kid(s). I bought……” These words are typically uttered while Respondent pulls out various receipts are other “proof” of having purchased items for the child(ren). Unless Respondent is pulling out a cancelled check which has child support written on the memo line, the items purchased, assuming that the receipts are legit, are considered gifts. Having these receipts make the Respondent feel that they have fulfilled some of their parental duties.

 Respondent: “I’m disabled…I can’t work” This claim can come up at any time during the process of trying to obtain child support, even after the order is entered. A true disability that prevents a person from working is required to be established by medical proof. There may also be situations where the “disabled” person is required to file for social security disability and bring proof back to court. If a person is granted SSD, their child(ren) are also given a monthly check.

 Respondent is receiving Public Assistance: This situation has to be delved into by the Master or your attorney. It is not too often that an able bodied man of working age is granted cash assistance, unless he has a child(ren) in his household whom he is providing for.

 At the end of the questioning the Master will explain to the parties that his/her decision will be sent to them in the mail. So, NO, you won’t get a figure at the end of the Master’s Hearing. The Temporary order will remain in effect. You will get the Master’s recommendation in the mail.

 I wish that I could say that this is the end of the matter, you get your support order and live happily ever after but….that wouldn’t be true. Child Support Orders are “modifiable.” This means that at any time either party can seek a modification of the order. Most modifications are for increases or decreases. The Court will always entertain them and you will have the pleasure of starting this entire process over again.

If either party disagrees with the amount of the support order determined by the Master, they can request an Exceptions Hearing before a judge. You definitely need an attorney for this. The Exception Hearing must be based on a claim that the Master made a mistake in his/her application of the law. So the issue is legal, not the fact that a party doesn’t like the amount of the order.

Theresa D. Brunson, Esquire spent a decade as a Philadelphia City Prosecutor. Currently in private practice she continues to work within the court system as a law clerk for a State judge. After having tried thousands of cases Ms. Brunson is well versed in all aspects of the law.

© 2015, Shalena D.I.V.A. – Personal Branding| Content Marketing| Product Creation. All rights reserved.


  1. Karen E. Quinones Miller on September 6, 2010 at 12:42 am

    Great post . . . VERY informative!

  2. Anthony Bridges via Facebook on May 11, 2011 at 10:29 am


  3. Raquel Granillo- Nicholson via Facebook on May 11, 2011 at 10:29 am

    What a great topic

  4. via Facebook on May 11, 2011 at 10:29 am

    One of my friends left her husband after years of abuse. She had to take him to child support court because he wouldn’t give her money for his two small children. He files a disability claim to get out of paying child support. My friend was crushed because in the state of PA, you cannot collect money from a person on disability. Well.. well… well… she became a first-rate private investigator and posted outside his place of work and snapped pictures of him actually working and submitted them to the child support people. She got her money—LOL! But why did it have to come to that?

  5. via Facebook on May 11, 2011 at 10:30 am

    @Raquel—this si such a touchy topic for some, but the stories are hilarious. Some folks will do anything to get out of paying.

  6. Karen Wilson via Facebook on May 11, 2011 at 10:31 am

    Be honest and remember that your child is entitled to child support but other programs in the system are not necessarily entilement programsand yes there are people who take advantage of the system, which causes a overload on the system thus cuts in programs and money running out so that when people are really in need there is no money available

  7. via Facebook on May 11, 2011 at 10:33 am

    Now… some women take advantage of the system and take good men to court out of spite and try to get ridiculous amounts of money. I don’t think the system should be abused. It boggles my mind how some women will leave the true deadbeats alone and never ask him for a penny or take him to court, but harass the good guys who are trying to be in the child’s life and contribute financially. It’s sad because when some women take the men to court, some men get hardened and don’t want anything to do with the child. A child needs more than money each month. They need time, love, encouragement, and good parents, too.

    • Christine on May 11, 2011 at 2:32 pm

      But then again U have deadbeats who avoid getting paid regular pay checks and only get paid under the table and avoid child support all together…. Men like that deserve to be on the front lines in iraq with no weapons… just sayin… It… leaves women/mothers like you and i with no resources.. cant go after him..”no proof he works”.. U can ask for more money.. but nothing ever happens… they can suspend their license but that takes for ever…. there is a website i think it’s called support based out of texas and actually they pretty much find the guy and stalk him with pay or go to jail tactics.. but it works…… it works for anyone in any state..

    • Jasamine on May 11, 2011 at 2:33 pm

      I have experience with all sides of the child support system and it was all a nightmare my husband never paid, I never collected and I never said a word, I know a person paying and I know some people collecting…Why do people become a mon…ster when the check is late… I have seen the the scams and the I’m going to get mine… what always amazes me the system did not get the children why do you need someone to tell you your child needs to eat, have clothes, shoes, and a roof over their heads and on that same note when did your children become your meal ticket, I see this your hair is done to the nine’s your nails and toes are polished to prefection yet your children are dirty and there hair has not been combed everyone knows what you are doing with the child support money then you complain it is not enough… Stop, do you really need that babyphat purse

      • Christine on May 11, 2011 at 4:39 pm

        Ya i feel you.. Some men dont give a damn about their seeds.. U know.. and some don’t even consider that even tho we can tell them until we have no more fight in us to explain that a child DOES need more than cash.. But if the man doesnt wa…n to be apart of the child life.. why force it.. there are so many good men out there…(“REAL MEN”) that can or can’t have children and are more of a man to steppin up to the plate.. but.. that will happen if it happens.. Im sayin… Im not gonna waste valuable time tryin to chase down a man who doesn’t acknowledge his seed.. when i can be using that time to frame my child future and person.. But that website works for all states… I live on the west coast “Oregon” and i too had to use it for my oldest daughter.

        • Shalena D.I.V.A. on May 11, 2011 at 4:41 pm

          @Christine, you’re right, if the man doesn’t want to be bothered, then don’t force your child on him. He might mistreat his child. But what kills me are the men who neglect their own kids, but take care of other women’s children while their own chidlren are suffering. DISGRACE!

  8. Lisa Cauble via Facebook on May 11, 2011 at 10:40 am

    2 Me if it’s Ur child, wuldn’t U want Ur kids 2 hav de best! I can’t imagine neglecting Ur own kids, is jus unreal!!!

  9. Roger Duncan via Facebook on May 11, 2011 at 10:40 am

    I think you said it all right there shalena, I say if two people can agree on a set amount its best to leave the courts out of it. A mans heart can definitely become hardened if he feels he is being taken advantage of by both the courts and the ex.

  10. via Facebook on May 11, 2011 at 10:43 am

    @Roger, do you know how many times I heard woemn tell men, “I’m goign to let the white man handle this?” It makes me sick. Like, two people can’t agree to be civil and do right by the child. I hate to say it, but sometimes it’s better to go through the courts because at least the child will receive some money, but that should honestly be the last resort.

  11. Roger Duncan via Facebook on May 11, 2011 at 10:46 am

    I want to comment so much more but I am in training..gotta go gotta go..great topic though.

  12. via Facebook on May 11, 2011 at 10:46 am

    @Christine–that’s a great resource for people in Texas. Thanks for sharing. But the crazy thing is a child is expensive meaning they need more than that monthly amount. What about food, clothing, shelter, and extra activities that also benefit the child? Some men feel as though that’s extra and they’re not paying any more or doing any more than the court stated. That’s crazy to me because need a lot.

  13. via Facebook on May 11, 2011 at 10:47 am

    @Roger, make that moeny so you can pay Ray ray’s next child payment before Icall the authorities on you!!!! LOL! Have a goodone, Roger!

  14. Winchell Curry via Facebook on May 11, 2011 at 10:53 am

    Yes the system is ancient! It needs to overhauled,there are more woman in the workforce,there is only one time when a woman claims she is not independent and that’s going to court and getting that support!lol

  15. June Muñoz Niblett via Facebook on May 11, 2011 at 10:54 am

    Yes to all of the questions above! As to giving advice, well everyone’s situation might be different so its hard to say. But in an ideal world it would be best if the two parents could come to an agreement on support & visitations but unfortunately that is usually not the case in the real world.

  16. via Facebook on May 11, 2011 at 10:55 am

    @June,, who you telling? SMH!

  17. Tia Higgins via Facebook on May 11, 2011 at 10:56 am

    I know a few women that abuse the system and I’m boggled at how they get away with it. On the other hand I know men that will not pay and the women hve taken them to court and they still don’t pay. The state says that they are working for the child but I don’t see it.

  18. Christine McCracken Payne via Facebook on May 11, 2011 at 10:56 am

    Even that doesn’t always work.. Children need both parents and i too was a single mother years ago.. I did things on my own and i struggled to provide but i did what i had to do.. Asking for a lil help with life time responsibility isnt too much to ask for.. Now im one of those.. to proud to ask for a lil but when it’s about my child.. im not gonna hold my tounge.

  19. via Facebook on May 11, 2011 at 10:59 am

    @Jasamine–OOOhhhhh, girl! OMG! Yes, some women spend that money on themselves and those kids looked liek Raggedy Ann and Andy. I also marvel at how some women hit the roof when that check is late. It’s really sad. I think OutKast said it best when he said, your grandchild is a baby and not a paycheck. But not to some of these women. It’s a paycheck. [email protected]!

  20. via Facebook on May 11, 2011 at 10:59 am

    @Christine, you’re right, if the man doesn’t want to be bothered, then don’t force your child on him. He might mistreat his child. But what kills me are the men who neglect their own kids, but take care of other women’s children while their own chidlren are suffering. DISGRACE!

  21. Tia Higgins via Facebook on May 11, 2011 at 11:00 am

    I filed on my my daughters father but I waited and gave him a chance to pay on his own ( 3 years) he got a job and is taking care of his girlfriends kids but not his 1 and 5 yr old. Time to involve the courts.

  22. via Facebook on May 11, 2011 at 11:00 am


  23. Christine McCracken Payne via Facebook on May 11, 2011 at 11:02 am

    Here is the website for alll mothers every where.. U will get your money.. try it…

  24. Christine McCracken Payne via Facebook on May 11, 2011 at 11:02 am

  25. Mzz Marie via Facebook on May 11, 2011 at 11:11 am

    yes I do believe Men would do ANYTHING to get out of supporting his children.

  26. Edward Scroggins via Facebook on May 11, 2011 at 11:18 am

    I Think it s mess up when a man is paying childs support for a child that not theirs and women knows it not

    • Shalena D.I.V.A. on May 11, 2011 at 3:21 pm

      @Edward–I don’t think it’s right when men pay for kids that aren;’t theirs because the women lied about the paternity. That’s not right either!

  27. MsDebbie on May 11, 2011 at 2:35 pm

    Yes Shalena. Some is Funny But True. My Husband has Been Child Support before we was Married. We have been married over Ten Years. His Sons are 27&30. Never been out of work. As A Matter of Fact the job he work he had been there ten years and Still taking it.Lol when do this Stop. Man he is A Grandfather Now.

  28. Marian on May 11, 2011 at 2:35 pm

    i dont want any money from the father (that name is to much for him) of my son no money at all

    • Christine on May 11, 2011 at 3:19 pm

      Im with Marian on that one.. Girl i feel you… I’d rather do in on my own in that aspect of it.. I mean i have done it in the past.. In my heart the mans dead but he will have to live a long lonely life of guilt and remorse and i can sit back and enjoy the finer things in life cuz my job is on going and i have no regrets!

      • ShalenaD.I.V.A on May 11, 2011 at 3:25 pm

        @Marian and Christine–I can relate to your feelings. My mother did it by herself for so many years. Alot of women like yourself just don’t want the hassle or aggravation.

  29. Gene on May 11, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    A real man will support his child/ren!!! I took care of my son & his older brother untill both were grown!! I have a loving relationship with both my boys! Those men that take the easy way out by weaseling out, taking care of other womens c…hildren (for brownie points) or that threaten their children mothers not to enforce support r not real men at all!! When their child/ren grow up they will not be concerned with the real father & will have grown to know another man as their father!! I’ve seen a few men end up on their death bed wishing the children they abandoned would come forgive them b4 they passed, many of them never lived to get that forgiveness!! SUPPORT YOUR CHILD!!

    • ShalenaD.I.V.A on May 11, 2011 at 3:14 pm

      @Gene, so very true! Thanks for being a real man and a great example for your sons.

  30. Jeneen on May 11, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    After 10 years of running from taking care of our daughter, her father finally began paying child support (only because he was unemployed -at least that’s what he said…lol and receiving unemployment compensation) Anyway once the unemploym…ent was no longer available to him he has now gone back into hiding and the child support for our daughter has come to a halt after only 2 years of helping me take care of her…BTW she will be 13 years old in a few days I thank God that I never truly had to depend on those funds cause God really is her true father !!!

    • ShalenaD.I.V.A on May 11, 2011 at 3:14 pm

      @Jeneen–Good for you and your daughter. he’s missing out on her life so it’s his lost. I’m glad God is supplying you and your daughter’s needs.

  31. Shalena D.I.V.A. on May 11, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    What I don’t like is when a man who has children get with a woman and she’s comfy with him not paying support to his children. helllooo!!!! If he acts liek this now, he will do it to you if he has kids with you.

  32. Deb on May 11, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    Florida didnt make my ex pay what Minnesota said he should pay. The state had to fight to get my money. I had nothing to do with it. He didnt pay any for his first child to the first wife. So guess I was lucky to get anything. But it cost a…lot more than what I got to raise my son. And what really ticked me off is he figured since he was paying something that meant he didnt need to buy him any birthday or x-mas gifts or any extras. The child remembers that. I did eventually get back pay after my son graduated. It would have been real helpful while he was growing. But I sent my son a ticket home and mailed all his belongings to his new home and things he needed and wanted with it that he should have had years earlier…..

  33. Winchell on May 11, 2011 at 2:40 pm

    A lot of women make the good men look bad. There are still some good men out their! I think if a couple gets divorced that everything should be equal, no one should get anything until the other mess up on there responsibility. A child should have equal time with the child,either should not be able to move out of state if they remarry. The courts are used to divide the family not help!

  34. Linda on May 11, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    My daughter has been going through this very thing, she tried desparately not to envolve the courts, since 2005, and never recieved any help from her husband and one of her children are special needs, the ex makes six figures, finally this year she decided since he would not do the right thing she has decided to take him to court. Some men just won’t do the right thing.

  35. Deb on May 11, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    oh… was real fun putting a good chunk of cash in his hand at the airport when he left……they do end up paying in the end.

  36. Pretty on May 11, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    I’m going threw child support now and my daughters father “so happen” to lose his job before we got to court he was working for eight months full time and we didn’t get a dime the judge said he has to pay $50 a month I’m like what the hell ima do with that my bills are 2 thousand a month.. its sad but ima still hold it down even thoe its unfair*

    • ShalenaD.I.V.A on May 11, 2011 at 3:15 pm

      @Pretty–That’s messed up and that makes me angry. It’s so unfair. But God will supply.

      • Pretty on May 11, 2011 at 3:22 pm

        ‎@shelanda yes it makes me angry to I missed work for half a day to hear I will get $50 a month when I could have stayed at work and make way more for my day missed..smh..he was very arrogant in court like he was proud I wouldn’t get much money but support is for his child not me what’s what he fails to understand..

    • Linda on May 11, 2011 at 4:06 pm

      @Pretty, you are so right, like you my daughter has done an awesome job, working 10 hour days, driving 50 miles a day to and from work, going to all her kids games, assisting with homework, etc! being a parent is a 24 hour job …and it takes a very strong parent to do it and a stronger parent to do it alone, so to the parents who do it alone with strength and dignity, pat yourself on the back, your children will never forget your sacrifice and cherish you for it. Our children are worth it!

      • Pretty on May 11, 2011 at 4:08 pm

        @linda thanks I like to hear stories like my own.. and daughters father thought I talk bad about him to my daughter cause she’s six and starting to notice his abstence what made me proud was she talk to him on the phone yesterday and she t…old him my mommy gives me lots of hugs and kisses and tell me she’s proud of me she also said you love me too daddy.. that should tell him something I never bbad mouth him to her she will see for herself one day as she’s seeing some now..

        • ShalenaD.I.V.A on May 11, 2011 at 4:14 pm

          ‎@Pretty–You’re raising your daughter right because my mother NEVER talked bad about my dad to me. She allowed me to see him for who he was. That is the sign of a great mom. Your daughter already peeps the scene. Kids are ot dumb. In her own way, she checked her father with childlike truth. A mother should never poison her children’s minds towards their fathers. Kids will draw their own conclusions afterwhile.

          • Pretty on May 11, 2011 at 4:19 pm

            ‎@shalenda so true I want to keep her a kid while she is one without so much to worry about that sweet innocence..

        • Deb on May 11, 2011 at 4:19 pm

          Pretty—that’s right, you dont ever say anything bad about the other, it’s still their parent and they will learn on their own. I never said a bad word about my sons father to him. He made his own judgement when his father never called and… never sent for him in the summer or holidays or bought him a gift. I wished he would. I hated seeing my son suffer. I wanted him to be a part of his life even if I thought he was a jerk, for my sons sake. Whatever. He missed out on a terrific kid. He has no respect for his Dad either. Never bad mouth the other parent, it only hurts the child. Don’t ever play the kids against each other, I hate when I see people do that.

          • Pretty on May 11, 2011 at 4:37 pm

            @debbie true statement there I couldn’t agree more*

  37. Winchell on May 11, 2011 at 2:43 pm

    My mom raised five kids on her own never asked the courts for anything. She produced a teacher,a police officer, a mailman,a psychiatrist, and a head manager for our local press. All it took was a little love!

    • ShalenaD.I.V.A on May 11, 2011 at 3:15 pm

      @Winchell–Yes! Your mother held it down! She handled her business. I hate to say it, but those are the kinds of woemn i grew up around. They handled their business and took care of four or five kids by theirselves. They kept them dressed nice, fed, clean, and mannerable. Some mothers today leave me shaking my head…

  38. Linda on May 11, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    It’s a sad commentary when parents don’t put their issues aside and think of what’s best for the children, children are innocent in this equation, as mature adults parents need to act like adults and love their children enough to show their… children that just because they as parents don’t wish to be together their love for their child has not changed and part of showing love is making sure their children are cared for financially as well as emotionally. This should apply to both mothers and fathers.

    • ShalenaD.I.V.A on May 11, 2011 at 3:16 pm

      @Linda–I agree wholeheertedly, but there are some cases where there was no relationship, abooty call even a woman got pregnant by a man she barely knows. That man is looking at her like wth! He barely knows the woman so how canhe have any… affection for the child. This is a perfect candidate for the Maury show. half of these people are sexing without protection and producing innocent babies. That’s wrong and sad. We get on these men, but to some of them, it was only one night—without protection. That’s wrong, but how can we expect him to love the child? I’m not condoning, I’m just presenting another side of the topic.

      • Linda on May 11, 2011 at 3:23 pm

        @shalenadiva, I agree with you to a certain extent, but anyone who participates in “booty calls” should still have to take responsibility for the outcome, there are so many ways to protect oneself from an unwanted pregnacy and if the parti…es involved do not take advantage of the various birth protection options they should not get a free “get out of jail card”. Reckless behaviors have consequences and we all must pay the price for our choices, why should a child who had no bearing in our decisions have to suffer?

        • ShalenaD.I.V.A on May 11, 2011 at 3:26 pm

          @Linda–I agree with you wholeheartedly, but people who usually engage in these kinds of activities don’t giev a hoot about doing the right thing usually. So it’s like we’re starting from -50 in some cases and should be prepared for the kinds of behavior we are witnessing. I thik folks with sense would do the right thing, but so many people don’t have sense or think of consequences.

          • Linda on May 11, 2011 at 4:18 pm

            @shalenadiva, you are right, we can’t change others behavior but lets just pray that the parents who are doing it right teach their children the correct way to conduct themselves and tell them that everything they do in life has consequenc…es and lets hope they remember the lessons and live by them. The best thing we can do as parents is teach our children by our own example because these precious little people are watching everything we do and hearing what we say and we better know that they will model our behaviour and actions.

  39. pretty on May 11, 2011 at 3:07 pm

    And if one party is to immature you have to get the courts involved its not always that easy*

  40. Karen on May 11, 2011 at 4:20 pm

    There are people out there who have left children behind in other states and they are making a good living not paying child support no christmas, graduation, or support when they go to college but the Bible says you reap what you sow and you never know who will have to give you a drink of water.

  41. Winchell on May 11, 2011 at 4:21 pm

    Some woman are saying my money nooooo! It’s the son or daughters money! See woman get it twisted I’m not supposed to support u! U are responsible for all your bills I pay mine. But the court system may not say they factor that in but they do! That is wrong. Whomever is paying the support they fill like this is all inclusive.

    • Pretty on May 12, 2011 at 10:44 am

      @winchell actually a man should be responsible for some bills a child needs food to live, bathing on a daily basis thats water, lights so they can see, so i dont feel like a man shouldn’t get off the hook and if i do everything for my child and shes in my household which means food, clothes, paying school expenses, a car so my child can get around winter summer spring and fall..yea ima say my and her money…

  42. Shalena D.I.V.A. on May 11, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    I also SMh when a woman has a baby thinking it will make the man be with her only to find out that the man wants nothing to do with her or the kid. Now she has to get support because he doesn’t want the kid or her. VERY SAD. It happens tooo much!

  43. Judy on May 12, 2011 at 10:45 am


  44. Gene on May 12, 2011 at 10:46 am

    ‎@ Winchell & Lilly, u both make good points. The money is for the child & the parent caring for the child should use the money for bills & needs that cover the childs needs. Not to fix her boyfriends car like I busted my sons mother trying to do once!! Trifling!!! Lol

    • Winchell on May 12, 2011 at 10:47 am

      They don’t call it “CHILD” support for nothing but I agree with WINCHELL, I have seen child support being used for mani/pedi, clubbing, weaves, while the CHILD was at home with no food in the house and in some cases left alone, I actually h…ad to take one so called mama’s baby home with me after finding her 10 month old baby laying in the crib with a filthy diaper on, the house filthy, pots with maggots in the sink and her two year old was left in this filth as well for over 24 hours. I later found her at some dive half naked having a grand old time!

      • Gene on May 12, 2011 at 10:57 am

        ‎@Winchell, I agree with u & I disagree at the same time. Ur absolutely right that mani/pedicures, mamas clothes & a day at the salon should not come out of child support monies!! BUT, for me personally, she is my sons mother! I did love he…r at one point & she gave me a beautiful son. So I always threw in a lil extra for her pockets because motherhood is a full time job! Just because we couldn’t get along & she did some dumb ish doesn’t mean she wasn’t a good mother & I wanted my child to be happy too. That’s y a court never had to enforce child support on me. many men forget that something special that brought man & wife/boy friend & girlfriend together. When the relationship ends like a woman will attempt to make life hard for man, men choose not to support the child because he wants to make the womens life hard too! & 2 wrongs don’t make a right!

  45. Pretty on May 12, 2011 at 10:47 am

    @gene yesss that’s what its all about we know

  46. Winchell on May 12, 2011 at 10:48 am

    This discussion can go on for days a man will never win this conversation!

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