My alarm goes off and I dread getting up because I still can feel the pain between my legs. The bruises are visible on my thighs. I’m still in complete shock of how my husband of eighteen years violated me. I was standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes when Eric came in from work. He kissed me on the lips and caressed my face and began pulling me into our bedroom. Dealing with a terrible headache all day I really didn’t feel like making love. All I wanted to do was finish cleaning up the kitchen, take my nightly medicine and go to bed.  Unfortunately my husband had other plans. After numerous attempts to “get me in the mood” he became angry because I kept telling him No!! He grabbed me by the arm and threw me on the bed, and as I  attempted to get up off  the bed he pinned  me down .  While holding my arms over my head with one hand and used his free hand  to rip my skirt and panties off me in one smooth motion. He roughly prided my legs apart using his knees and forced himself  into me pounding as if I was a complete stranger.

“Please stop!” I screamed as tears streamed down my face.

“Shut the hell up!” he yelled thrusting himself inside me. “You’re my wife. You supposed to have sex with me.  It’s your job to keep me satisfied whenever I want it.” 

This torturous act went on for what seemed like hours. Once he finally finished he got up as if it was the best love making of my life. Slappping  me on my bruised legs saying ” Thanks babe I needed  that.” When he finally left the room I rolled over and  went to the bathroom on shaky legs to access the  damage.

It felt  as if  my insides had been ripped to pieces, his handprints  where branded on my inner thighs. I buried my head in my hands and cried asking God “Why”? After cleaning myself up I walked back to the kitchen and finished washing the dishes. Eric was sitting on the couch watching t.v like nothing ever happened.   I  walked around my once happy house in complete shock and went and prepared myself for bed. I heard Eric leave the house and I buried myself under the covers and prayed for mercy. The next morning I called my best friend and told her what happened and  she informed me I had been raped. We went back and forth for awhile  until I  understood that I had definitely been raped by my husband. I really didn’t believe at first that your husband could actually rape you,  but it happens more often than you would realize.  The relationship between my husband and I was never the same again after that night.  I was continuously on edge not sure if he would attack me again.  Over the course of six months my weight dropped dramatically because I stand in constant fear.  My best friend convinced me that I needed to go to counseling, which I did unwillingly at first but eventually I realized I needed it. I divorced Eric three months later and now I am enjoying life and helping others who went through similar experiences. Statistics show  that 47% of the reported rape cases  are from spousal rape, to find out more information or to see if you  to are a victim of  spousal rape  please go to and  please seek help immediately.

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  1. PerShenda on July 19, 2010 at 11:57 am

    2 thumbs up Kay…this is truly informative bc some people just don’t realize that this actually goes on in a marriage and it’s good your getting the word out.

  2. Peitra Broaster on July 19, 2010 at 1:26 pm

    This story brought tears to my eyes. I am married and I could never imagine my husband abusing his role in such a manner.
    I am glad that it was a happy ending and that you are able to help others.

    • Mikenda Early on July 20, 2010 at 5:36 pm

      Thank you for taking time out your schedule to read my article on spousal rape so many of us are trying to obey the word of God on the laws of marriage that we fail to realize that just because we say I DO we still have the right to say I DON’T..

  3. ShalenaD.I.V.A on July 19, 2010 at 1:44 pm

    Mikenda, this is such a gripping story and a GREAT READ! I know of a woman who this happened to as well. People tried to tell her that she wasn’t raped because he was her husband. I think they separated and then got back together only after he acknowledged what he did.

    This type of behavior is usually a result of something else like drugs. Were drugs involved? What was he going through at the time? Did he ever acknowledge this as rape?

  4. hmm on July 19, 2010 at 5:38 pm

    Very sad. I don’t know if I agree. Seems like one of those things where its up to how you precieve it. I don’t understand. So much pain. Why not just make love? Why would a husband NEED to rape a wife?

    • ShalenaD.I.V.A on July 20, 2010 at 9:18 am

      Hmm, I think you raise a good point that begs the question what is rape. If a guy who was on a date with a woman and he did this, it would be considered rape. Although a wife is expected to have sex with her husband, shoudln’t she have a say so as well. I think what was described here was rape. There was an element of violence that took this sexual act to a different level.

      Thank you for raising this point. Stop back often!

      Be blessed!

    • Shay Olivarria on July 21, 2010 at 2:56 pm

      A husband doesn’t need to rape a wife. No one NEEDS to rape anyone. This most upsetting part to me is the fact that some people (men and women) don’t see this as a sexual violation.

      I work with youth and I’ve seen little boys be encouraged to chase little girls and kiss them whether the little girls want to be chased and kissed or not. It starts so early. When you teach a group of people that it’s okay to act against the will of another group, for whatever reason, there is bound to be problems.

      • Mikenda Early on July 21, 2010 at 4:30 pm

        Thank you Shay for reading my article and sharing your opinion. I am amazed at the response; and find it hard to understand why some men put more value on sexual acts than on true intimacy and that does not include sex. I agree with you on encouraging little boys to chase little girls and they still continue to say well boys will be boys. But isn’t time for boys to finally be MEN!!

  5. Johnnie on July 20, 2010 at 12:45 pm

    Well said… No means No. It doesn’t matter if it is your spouse or a stranger, if the person says no, then you are to take the answer and move on. Just because you are married, doesn’t give any man or woman the right to force themselves on the other party that doesn’t wish to partake in the lovemakeing ….

    • Mikenda Early on July 21, 2010 at 12:05 pm

      Johnnie thank you for reading my article, I just wish some men would realize that it is not always personal when we say no tonight. When you vow to honor your wife does it mean that you can’t honor me when I say No..

  6. James on July 20, 2010 at 10:49 pm

    Good article but I do have a problem with it. A husband raping his wife is crazy to me because if she stood before GOD to marry him then he should be able to get it when he want it and she should be able to get it when she want it. A woman job is to please her husband, stand beside her husband, honor her husband, and put her husband second and GOD first. There are so many married women who always tell their husband no or I do not feel like it when it comes to sex. But do a real man tell his wife NO I do not feel like paying these bills today, I do not feel like taking care of the family today, or feel like being the man I was rasied to be. If a woman play her role and let the man play his role as GOD has it laid out then there would be no reason for that woman to tell that man NO.

    • ShalenaD.I.V.A on July 21, 2010 at 9:28 am

      James, thank you for stopping by my blog and commenting. I truly appreciate it. However, I disagree with you. There’s one thing for a husband to have sex with his wife, but there’s another thing to brutalize her in the process. I have a problem with the violent nature fo the act. Are men that hardwired that they can’t take an occassional “no” from his wife. As far as men paying the bills argument, I hear men say that often. Of course we don’t want him to not pay the bills, but physically ravaging your wife against her will is wrong. And men act liek they are always ready to do the deed when that’s not the case. If y’all don’t feel like it, then y’all won’t have sex with your woman. Y’all make it clear that y’all don’t want to have sex and that we should turn over and go to bed.

      I think we’ll have to agree to disagree on this one. I don’t have a problem with a man having sex with his wife. I have a problem wiht him brutalizing her against her will in the process.

      Be blessed!

      • oh no she didn't on February 17, 2012 at 6:30 pm

        this is a very good article because it is true! the one thing that comes to question is why are so many married women saying , No! I think women are not truly being satisfied in bed.They did a survey on women who fake orgasm and 80%said they did. that’s a very high number..the truth is a man could be terrible in bed but if he fills emotional or financial needs for a woman we put up with it because women are based on emotions and men are more sexual.if your with a man that has a high sex drive then a women’s vaginal walls can become sore or infected with bacteria due to constant
        friction,hence the headache. also if he’s terrible in bed the stress of having to act a scene you don’t want to be a part of can cause that oh so terrible headache!!!!!

    • Ronald Powell on July 21, 2010 at 10:00 am

      James is right technically, but WRONG in the APPLICATION of the word. When the Word speaks of the husband’s body belonging to the wife and vice versa. It does not mean that she/he are pieces of meat. It also does not mean he/she can TAKE/FORCE whenever he/she desires without regard for their husband/wife feelings. Also Paul (I think he wrote it) was saying in the context of that scripture that it helps to keep adultery from occuring. You know to reduce the temptation of wanting to go outside of your marriage for sexual satisfaction.

      Yes a husband & wife ought not to deny each other, especially for malicious reasons. However that does NOT supercede the fact that a husband & wife have the right to say no, whether if it’s for malicious reasons or not. For a husband or wife to FORCE their spouse to have sex with them IS RAPE!

      I cannot make it any more plain than that. God, Himself does NOT force us to be obedient to Him, so then why should a husband or wife force their spouse to be obedient or participate in sexual intercourse if they do not want to?

      That’s something to think about James!?

      If any husband or wife does force their spouse to have sex with them, then it’s also being selfish, and insensitive to your partners wishes and feelings. We are not robots and there could be a plethora of reasons why either party may not want to participate and that ought to be dealt with first. Sometimes for a female sex can be painful or discomforting if she has issues/problems that she may or may not feel comfortable talking about just yet. A man may have erectile or performance issues/problems as well because of his mind or emotional state.

      This is where discerment or just plain COMMON SENSE ought to come into play, and patience as well. Because if you love your spouse you wouldn’t with-hold sex from him/her, but if you did then where’s the love and/or grace to understand and be patient, kind, gentle and etc, to the person desiring to be initimate? You know the fruits of the spirit. Love covers a multitude of sin, even if that sin is a husband/wife with-holding sex for malicious reasons!!!!

      So in closing let’s say it’s a sin to with-hold sex from your husband or wife, and if you do not respond accordingly (by the word of God) and you FORCE/RAPE her then you’re committing a sin too. It’s called FORNICATION. That word means to be sexually immoral, it’s not just isolated to having sex BEFORE marriage.

      • James on July 21, 2010 at 11:39 am

        By no means am I saying what the guy did was right because we all know it was WRONG and NO means NO and I agree with you all he did rape his wife. I am only saying if two people stand before GOD and take those vows then neither one should deny the other. It’s not about being a peice of meat it’s about taking care of your mate BOTTOM LINE. See this is the reason so many men go outside of their marriages because their wife tells them no on a regular basis just because they do not feel like it. I understand there will be days he/she will not be feeling well, but if he/she is not feeling well and still go about the day doing their normal everyday things then if he/she wants sex then it should be given. Know if he/she has been in bed all day sick then that is understandable.

        If a man truly loves his wife then he will not damage her body he will make sure she is taken care of and her body is treated with RESPECT. So if a man physically ravaging his wife leads me to think that the so call love he has for her is questionable.

        • Mikenda Early on July 21, 2010 at 12:14 pm

          James, James please tell me why do a woman have to be laid up in the bed all day for her husband to respect and except the fact the she doesn’t feel like having sex. We women can go about our daily task and not feel well, which the husband should respect that and understand that she needs her rest.

        • ShalenaD.I.V.A on July 21, 2010 at 12:18 pm

          James, I think you hit upon a fundamental difference in how men and women perceive sex. Women are emotional when it comes to sex. If there’s no passion, we can’t perform to our best. Men on the other hand don’t need all of that. Now I guarantee if Mikenda’s husband had listened to her, told her to sit down as he rubbed her feet, made her some tea and stroked her hair, he would have gotten himself some becasue she would’ve been moved by his compassion. We are feeling creatures.

          men just drop their drawers and expect women to bend over. We don’t respond well to that. Afterwhile in a relationship men don’t think they need that passion and expect to have sex on demand. We women get tired of that, too. And y’all wonder why we fake stuff…


        • Ronald Powell on July 21, 2010 at 4:40 pm

          James in that case when you GOT or GET Saved, BE PERFECT, make NO MISTAKES. See albeit you’re saved you still sin! So if you EXPECT your wife to give you sex EVERYTIME without question, without an attitude (because you’re forcing her to live by the word of God) without reserve, then you be OBEDIENT to God in EVERY DETAIL, form fashion, of obedience that He asks, and do this WITHOUT SINNING EVER AGAIN!

          The point is you CAN’T! Because you’re NOT perfect, and neither will your wife be PERFECTLY willful to have sex with you EVERY TIME. She has a right to say no for whatever reasons she deems/feels necessary even if you don’t agree, or if it’s against the marriage principle IN CHRIST!

          • James on July 22, 2010 at 10:43 am

            Ronald all am going to say to you is before you start to comment on a comment of mine make sure you read all my comments first ok because you know not what you speak. Did you ever hear me say I make my wife have sex with me whenever I want it. Again if you had read my comment you would have seen something that went like this: YES I WANTED SEX THE OTHER NIGHT BUT WE HAD JUST RETURNED BACK FOR TAKING THE KIDS FROM OUR CHURCH TO DISNEY WORLD AND MY WIFE WAS TIRED AND I UNDERSTOOD THAT SO I HELD HER AS WE SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT. Ronald to me you sound like a weak man and for your information no one is perfect and will never be but if you think that a woman should deny her husband sex just because then you are a DAMN FOOL you must be GAY. Please tell me what real man will agree to what you are saying hell you sound more like a woman i should just call you Regina.

            • Ronald Powell on July 22, 2010 at 1:50 pm

              James I attempted to be nice to you however for some reason you like to resort to name calling and etc. Now let me make myself PERFECTLY CLEAR on this. You NEED to grow up. A woman has a right to deny or accept her husbands advances whenever she wants! Are you an IDIOT or something? I’m asking NOT name calling. Also you cuss but then speak of church and God. BOY GET DELIVERED!!!!!!!!!! When you become a MAN and think on a spiritually MANLY level, then perhaps one day we can talk on par.

              By the way my previous response was to you comment about a wife being tired and doing other thigns through-out the day but when it comes to sex she says no. Who do you think you are to tell her or EXPECT her to HAVE TO have sex with you? As fara s the gay comment, only someone immature would resort to such a comment, and I won’t stoop to your carnal way(s) of thinking and continue arguing. I pray that God gives you the Love, Understanding, Wisdom, Patience & etc., for BETTER application of the Word!

    • Mikenda Early on July 21, 2010 at 11:58 am

      James, I can not believe that some men really think that just because we say I DO we can’t say I DON’T. Men use that scripture as a way to brow beat their wives. So tell me when the lord as so so eloquently but it say husband love your wives as christ loves the church, does that not include respecting her. Love me enough to listen to me when I say not tonight.

      • James on July 21, 2010 at 1:07 pm

        Look ladies beleive it or not but most men need a little more then just sex we want to be made to feel like we are wanted and needed also but once again it always come back to what the woman feels she wants. Lets keep it real you can not judge all men by the few men you all had in your life and I must say the door swing both ways but its not always the man fault when something goes wrong in the relationship. So you all can sit there and say if that man had of done this or had done that then he might of got some sex that night. BREAKING NEWS: What you want do another woman will so while you all sit there with your legs closed just know that there is another woman waiting to take care of your man. I do not use the bible to throw in women face but so many womem love to say they are a woman of GOD then if so my advise is to start acting like it. Do not act that way on Sunday morning when you are in church then Monday thur Saturday you are not taking care of your man nor standing by his side. So if you want to be a wife or called a wife then act like a wife is suppose to act thats all am saying.

        • Ciara on July 21, 2010 at 2:05 pm

          James, you gnarly, arrogant, horny, rat bastard… You’re a hypocrite! As soon as your wife tells you “no” you’re ready to committ adultery. What kind of man are you? You need to stop acting all sanctimonious and be real with the man in the mirror. Your wife probably doesn’t give you any and that’s why you’re all wound up. You probably need to get some, you horny toad or else you wouldn’t be so insensitive. You’re a jerk.

          • James on July 21, 2010 at 7:07 pm

            Ciara, first of all you do not know anything about me so the name calling is not called for but I will say its B_ _ _ _ _ _ like you that gives real good women a bad name. This is just a discussion and we all are entitled to our opinion. But for your information I have been married for 13 years with two beautiful sons and just last night my wife was very tired we had just got back from Orlando Florida where we took the kids from the church to disney world. Yes I wanted some last night but I also knew she needed some rest so I had no problem with that so I held her as we slept through the night. You sound like a woman that is single and bitter and from your comment I can see why you are single. So before you judge me or call me out my name get to know me first you bitter b^5$#!!!

      • just wanna say on July 21, 2010 at 1:15 pm

        James….I just wanna say that if you feel so strongly towards your point of view have your wife, mother, sister or another female read this article and your post and see their reaction to your point of view is.

        • James on July 22, 2010 at 10:45 am

          I was on the phone with Mikenda last night and I was at my neighbor house where there were 4 married woman there all over the age of 40 and they agreed with what I said. See the problem is you young women need to learn a few things from the older women who knows how to take care of their man 🙂

    • Ciara on July 21, 2010 at 9:06 pm

      Gnarly James, you don’t like when people tell you how it is, but you can sit up there and tell folks how they should live. God bless the poor soul who calls you husband. You’re an idiot and a fake Christain. How are you gonna call me the b word and profess to love the Lord? That sounds really catty…something a closted gay man would say… Things that make you go hmmm….

      If you’re gonna come, come correct. Everyone’s entitled to an opinion, but you started this when you came at women’s necks. For your info. I am happily married, too. You’re scared of a woman who stands up to you. You started all of this and I’m gonna finish it…

      • ShalenaD.I.V.A on July 21, 2010 at 9:10 pm

        Ciara and James, I welcome the lively debate, but let’s keep civil. This is a place where we can express our feelings and opinions freely with respect for all readers. Let’s not call each other names, but please keep the debate going. I’m loving it.

        Other than the name calling, y’all are cracking me up.

        Be blessed,

      • James on July 22, 2010 at 10:34 am

        Ciara lets get something straight you started the name calling and my wife is a strong black woman who can stand on her own more woman then you will ever be. You are the fake christian go back and look at your first comment you made. It really do not matter what you think about me because you do not have to live with me nor do I have to live with you. My wife and kids are very much so taken care of and wants for nothing you can beleive that. See I put my family first which means if I have to go without so they will not then that is what I do. You can call me fake all you want but GOD has been blessing me and more ways then you can even think of. So before you try to check me look in the mirror and check yourself, because sometimes we all need to do that. You say I started it and your are going to finish it(lol) please sounds like you are BITTER (LOL)

      • Ilyass on April 8, 2012 at 6:37 am

        I agree with all of this, but at the same time girls can be a tease. They don’t want to look too easy so they say No. They want to test how much you desire them so they say No. But they want you, xpeect you, to keep asking, keep asking, keep asking until they say Yes. So often, when they say No, they really mean Yes. That’s why there’s confusion. And there’s a big problem when these girls say No and really mean No! Because then nobody takes them seriously.

  7. Shay Olivarria on July 21, 2010 at 2:47 pm

    I had this happen to a good friend of mine. They eventually divorced, but he didn’t feel that he had done anything wrong. It’s a shame in this day and age that people don’t understand that women are people and we have rights, feelings, etc.

  8. hmm on July 22, 2010 at 11:32 am

    Why is this site propetuating the arguement. While not allowing all the comments to be posted. This back n forth from black man to black woman is the problem with our community. Profiteers use the discourse. But its ignorant and unhelpful. James stated is opinion that’s all. Claras very angry. I’m new here. I don’t have time to constantly receive messages from an irrationally mad black woman. (There are a lot of y’all) Dare to be different. ……….wonder if the cencership police will allow this comment to be posted.

    • ShalenaD.I.V.A on July 22, 2010 at 11:42 am

      Hmm, you posted your previous comment you’re referring to under the WRONG ARTICLE. You posted it under “Finding Me!” not “Stranger in My House” that is why you don’t see your comment along with the others for Stranger in My House. Please check the Finding Me article and you will see what I’m referring to. I’m glad you’ve discovered my site. There are tons of great articles on here from wonderful women like Mikenda. Although this article has generated heated discussion, I think it’s healthy. I don’t censor comments on my blog; however, I will edit derogatory words because this is and always will be a respectable blog. I allow people to converse freely.
      Thanks for stopping by, Hmm..

      Be blessed!

  9. just wanna say on July 22, 2010 at 4:25 pm

    This topic has struck a few people I see, and it’s getting touchy….I thought this article was suppose to point out what can happen between closed doors of a marriage, and it just so happens that I can relate to this subject by personally experiencing it myself but not quiet the same brutality of it but I went through something similar. This is just a topic that many choose to see in a different manner. As for James there’s no way i would want to take sex advice from some 40 year old women. I took care of my so called man in a good way to the point that he got spoiled and thought he could just take it and in the end destroyed apart of our marriage. If you take something that is not given then it is considered stealing. I wonder how a man would feel if one day he woke up to find himself restrained to his bed without his will and his wife taking something that he didn’t want to give at that point of time and she released him only when she was through with him…to some men they would probably think of that as a fantasy but to others it may be considered a violation…who knows? But one thing I can say is that everyone is entitled to their own opinions.

    • James on July 22, 2010 at 10:39 pm

      I am very sorry to hear that you went through what you went through and I do agree to what you say because NO means NO. I was not trying to make anyone upset or pissed off I just made a comment. By no means do I think a man should force himself on a woman even though it is his wife. I have a wife, mother, aunts, and sisters and wish nothing like that happens to them. I am a black man that respect women and think they should loved and catered to. There is nothing wrong with people having different opinions but when people do not respect your opinion and starts to call you out your name then things tend to get ugly. Again I was not trying to piss anyone off and I am very sorry you had to go through what you wnet through.

      • ShalenaD.I.V.A on July 22, 2010 at 11:55 pm

        James, I thank you for sharing your opinion on this matter. I just think you upset the chicken coop with some of your comments and we as women all went off–LOLOLOL!!! That happens all of the time so I wasn’t surprised at the firestorm of comments at all—LOL! WE need more discussions like this on more of the articles because they offer great insight as well.

        Be blessed!

  10. Mikenda Early on July 23, 2010 at 9:36 am

    I first want to thank everyone who took the time to read and commented on my article. My intent when I wrote this was to shed the light on Spousal Rape. Spousal Rape happens so often and it isn’t often spoken of. They’re alot of people that have the same opinion as James and that’s why it’s only 47% of this type of rape that is reported, just think of the silent voices that are scared to speak. I am not saying that it is not wrong to just selfishly deny intimacy with your spouse, what I am saying is that you have a choice. Thanks again and please continue to support my work and

  11. Mary Perry Taylor on July 27, 2010 at 9:09 pm

    This was a great read daugther! Thank you for letting people know how relationships can go very wrong. Some men have that caveman mentality ( you Jane, me Trazan), but it’s mot good thing. Keep up the good work. LOVE YOU!!!

  12. Tony on May 11, 2011 at 12:18 pm

    That is a hard one. However, biblically it tells both wives and husbands that your body doesn’t belong to you it belongs to your spouse and that you are not to deny the other sex unless you both agree for a period if time to which you are t…o fast and pray. The only other time a husband is not to touch his wife is when on her cycle. Too many women uses sex as a tool of manipulation, or think because the world says that it’s your body so it’s your right then you can say no if you want to. But as I said GOD says otherwise…once you get married it is NOT your body and you don’t get to control it when it comes to sex or even having children, its a sin to do so. Likewise, thats why adultery is a sin GOD hates the most, because Man/woman have no right to give themselves to ANYONE else but their SPOUSE! I KNOW I’M NOT GONNA MAKE ANY FRIENDS WITH THIS POST BUT TRUTH IS TRUTH AND THAT’S WHAT IM GONNA GIVE YOU!

    • ShalenaD.I.V.A on May 11, 2011 at 12:35 pm

      @Tony—hhhmmm…. Most of the men on the blog referred to the Bible, too. But it seems so one sided. If the wife’s body belongs to the husband and the husband’s body belongs to the wife, then why can’t the wife not want sex and it not be wrong? This argument seems so pro-male. And you know I’m never mad at anyone for expressing their opinions. I love dialogue. And can’t men use sex as a manipulation tool, too?

    • MsDebbie on May 11, 2011 at 12:51 pm

      Oh and Mr Tony. Thank God I have A Understanding Husband. 🙂

      • Tony on May 11, 2011 at 1:03 pm

        Well Ms. Debbie I am an understanding man my self I dont use the bible to force my wife either..however, how can we call ourselves Christians if we only what to obey God on what we want to? God said your body’s not yours not me or another …man. Before woman became as yall say liberated women, they had no choice because they understood like it or not it was the WORD OF GOD! like I said I’m only giving the TRUTH NOT OPINION no one has to like or except it but that doesn’t change that its GODS TRUTH AND NOT MINE! I’m just the messenger! and before anyone ask my all caps is not from anger or defense. I understand I can’t control how people think or act.

        • Debbie on May 11, 2011 at 1:19 pm

          Mr Tony. Don’t get me Wrong. Iam A Woman Of God. But Love and Marriage is Not Just About Sex. What About Sickness or Age?

          • Tony on May 11, 2011 at 1:41 pm

            Ms Debbie I agree that it’s not, and why I do not force my wife, but how long should a man be patient and told no. God created us with great desire for sex, not man. Do y’all really think once a month, 3 months, 6 months is enough when men …basically desire sex everyday? Why u think God said your body is not yours and not to deny one another? It opens the door for anger, frustration, and infidelity! As for sickness and age not sure what’s your question concerning them.

  13. Sheila on May 11, 2011 at 12:18 pm

    No. No means no. Our bodies are ours and not our husband’s and if you say no then he needs to back off.

  14. Greathookup on May 11, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    This topic spins off several other topics to me, so I will try to stay focused on your question. Simply enough, yes, it is possible for a man to rape his wife. I honestly feel, that if you force sexual interaction, regardless of how invasive it is, it can make the other person feel violated and that is wrong. However, that is one of the main reasons I dont feel monogamy is natural.

    • oh no she didn't on February 17, 2012 at 7:02 pm

      Monogamy can be natural for some but according to these men and the bible a man is allowed to have more than one wife. once the first wife agrees and all the women he has is taken care of the same way financially. Women have always been second class citizen in every religion.Shoot, even budha left his wifeand kids never to go back to seek enlightenment.

  15. Felicia on May 11, 2011 at 12:20 pm

    It’s about respect!!! How dare he violate her in that way?? I suspect he was probably not a good husband overall!! Not makin light of the subject but i saw this today ~Husband comes in room with a bottle of asprin and a glass of water~ Wife says: what’s that for? Husband says: for your headache! Wife says: I don’t have a headache! Husband says: GOTCHA!!! 🙂

    • ShalenaD.I.V.A on May 11, 2011 at 12:36 pm

      @Felicia—ROTFL! That was funny! LOL

  16. Amara on May 11, 2011 at 12:20 pm

    I dnt c any reazn y a man shuld rape his wife. Some men r dogs, always wnt 2 do it even when their wyfs r sick, tired…..dat’s not ryt. I fink its lack of self control.

    • oh no she didn't on February 17, 2012 at 7:08 pm

      You are so right, and men got some nerve calling women hoes. how can a man of god not have self control.Mary’s situation in the bible will tell you men’s behavior are rooted in religion but no one want’s to believe that sometimes man’s interpretation of the bible is to help govern society sometimes in a biased way.

  17. Reander on May 11, 2011 at 12:21 pm

    Its scary men actually think like that well some my body is mine until i die

  18. Debbie on May 11, 2011 at 12:22 pm

    This is Touchie. But for A Husband Too Just Take From His Wife.Ok I was getting ahead of myself. Yes A Woman Can Be Raped By Her “HUSBAND!”

    • ShalenaD.I.V.A on May 11, 2011 at 12:36 pm

      ‎@Msdebbie—That is what makes unique. We talk about things most folks shy away from. After reading these articles, women realize that they are not alone.

      • MsDebbie on May 11, 2011 at 12:50 pm

        I know. And I Said Yes.Because I Once was THAT WIFE!

      • MsDebbie on May 11, 2011 at 12:51 pm

        It Happens. More Then We KNOW!

  19. Eku on May 11, 2011 at 12:27 pm

    The man does not respect himself @all,he is a BUSHMAN.He doesnot respect himself or the wife’s interest.sorry u have 2suffer at this wicked man’s hands my dear

  20. Perry on May 11, 2011 at 12:27 pm

    Wat daz she mean RAPED? I mean hw do u get raped continuosly by ur ‘MAN’ den b silent abt it? Anada thng did she talk abt it wif him 2 make him undstnd hw she feels?

    • ShalenaD.I.V.A on May 11, 2011 at 12:36 pm

      @Perry—her husband raped her once. She goes into detail about it in the article. She told him to stop, but he violently forced her anyway. He acted as if nothing happened or was wrong afterwards. She was not saying that he raped her every time she didn’t feel like it.

      • Perry on May 11, 2011 at 12:52 pm

        Wat wud u women do if ur man deprive intimacy & sex ? ! ? Reali if itz abt making us feel unwanted or neglected. . .by my guest but u gotta knw dat 4 u 2 lose da guy is at hand. Datz whr CHEATING,RESENTMENT & INFEDILITY are born. A man marr…ies u bcoz he loves u,wantz 2 make luv 2 YOU only bt u turn 2 twist dat 2 a HELL NO 2 INTIMACY. . .be careful wat u wish 4 ladies. As 4 me i wudn’t tolerate dat , bt rada tel me why not.

        • ShalenaD.I.V.A on May 11, 2011 at 12:55 pm

          @Perry—men withhold sex, too. That’s not just a one way street. And people cheat for all kinds of reasons, not just the withholding of sex. I would love to get your opinion on the most recent post about fidelity. That man had a good wife a…t home, but he still cheated. I think a lot of couples have this problem because life happens, especially after you have kids. You get tired and such. But it seems as though you believe that withholding sex is the reason men cheat…

          • Perry on May 11, 2011 at 12:58 pm

            den datz undstndable. . .den he daznt deserve her at al coz forcin himself on her simply shows he daznt value nd respect her as a human being. Datz inhuman nd reali itz a disgrace 2 God

            • ShalenaD.I.V.A on May 11, 2011 at 12:59 pm

              ‎@Perry-great point. Why do men stop being romantic? That’s the $50M question.

              • Perry on May 11, 2011 at 1:01 pm

                itz dat point we think we got u. . .so why bother? I had 2 cnsult 2 c dat i stopp’d being interest’d in my wife bt nw i make sho i wan2 knw her,romance her nd make frndshp wif her coz datz my QUEEN,mine alone. Oh,shez LOVE,shez my angel,my garden of joy nd cherishment.

              • Tony on May 11, 2011 at 1:04 pm

                @ Shalena men stop being romantic because women stop making them feel wanted and desired!! so when another come along and show him that he’s gonna romance her instead..sometimes her may just be a sport or hobby!

                • Shalena D.I.V.A. on May 11, 2011 at 1:21 pm

                  ‎@Tony—what!!!!!—I know of men who cheat even when they have a good woman at home who gives them everything they want, including sex, so you can’t use that one excuse to say why some men cheat. Come on, Tony— you’re a wise man. But with your line of reasoning, are you saying that it’s ok to cheat if your wife withholds sex from you? You are also assuming that men don’t hold sex from their wives—MANY DO!

                  • Tony on May 11, 2011 at 1:34 pm

                    @ Shalena I think u misunderstood my point, I never said it was okay for men or women to cheat..I basically made the point as to why God tells us not to withhold sex.

          • Tony on May 11, 2011 at 1:39 pm

            Well since I’ve NEVER withheld sex I have no personal experience in that area LOL! However, I would have to say that, that man withheld sex because he was in love with someone else… from what i understand most likely another man (again no… experience in this matter..I just listen and read alot sometimes) But it also can be because he’s either just a dog or his wife has denied him in ever area and just feels it’s cheaper to stay married and have a mistress on the side. Some men use weight or the fact she stops making herself gorgeous for him as an excuse but again it’s cheaper to stay married. Now before you take my head off. I DON’T AGREE WITH IT! My desire is not linked to your outward beauty alone, but my love for you as the woman I chose to marry!

            • Greathookup on May 11, 2011 at 2:11 pm

              @Tony, why does a man have to be gay or a dog if he is simply no longer attracted? Im not the same person I used to be 10 years ago (better actually) and dont expect to be the same person 10 years from now. People change, change is natur…al. When people are no longer compatible, why does it have to be someones fault? I think there are some men that may hold off on sex, simply because they dont want to. And I feel just like I do about the women in this regard, they shouldnt have too. However, why should they suppress that other person from being fulfilled?

              • Tony on May 11, 2011 at 4:58 pm

                @ Greathookup if you noticed I said from what I understand, not what I know, I also said I have no experience in that area, so this was clearly my OPINION on the matter! However, if you listened to most men and women..the reason the man di…dn’t want to have sex with the woman was because he was an undercover brother (of all colors not just black). As for the dog..if you no longer want to be with you wife ten let her go and move on, otherwise you are putting her life in danger physically and spiritually! Condoms are not 100% and let’s be real there’s a great chance your gonna slip up and not wear one at all especially once you get comfortable with some one. As I’m sure u know HIV can lay dormant for up to ten years..THEN WHAT!

        • Gabi on May 11, 2011 at 1:38 pm

          Perry may i brief u? For women its nt ”just sex”. If u rly want my explanation on sex.. Ill freely give it. Sex is humping n grinding n done wthin a couple of minutes n then each turns away n sleeps. Im guessing thts the male take on it. …Love-making is like music. Its starts off wth an introduction n then gradually starts a rhythym..u find the heartbeat n meaning of the melody n ur body flows wth it. It builds up to the chorus n then comes the big waves crashing n sweeping over u.. Where to spirits collide n bcome one in total harmony, peace n satisfaction. Bliss n happiness. So sacred, tht evn Angels cry at the sight of sch beauty. Tht is Love.

          • Tony on May 11, 2011 at 2:11 pm

            @ Gabri’elle that was they best description of love making I have EVER heard from a woman..that’s what I’d call a MASTERPIECE. Unfortunately most woman due to headaches, fatigue and such because of career, kids etc. No longer really want t…o make love, just have sex so the husband will leave her alone! Most men would be willing to help write such a MASTERPIECE if the woman would simply show desire in him to do so..but you can’t deny him for months on end, or shoot him down when i try making the first move, and then expect him to respond to you all of a sudden..because now his frustration and tension is so built up he ready to just BLOW! REAL TALK

  21. Greathookup on May 11, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    What I dont understand is that women will outsource every other aspect of homestead duties, cooking, babysitting, cleaning,….however, when it comes to sex, they want thtat to be exclusive. If a man is being responsible and safe, why does it matter if he is getting it from somewhere else if the wife has all her needs met?

    • ShalenaD.I.V.A on May 11, 2011 at 12:34 pm

      ‎@GreatHookup—Please expound upon your thoughts on monogamy not being natural? That piqued my interest…

      • Greathookup on May 11, 2011 at 1:06 pm

        Sexual chemistry and attraction do not stop with one person. It simply is not natural. There are not many women or men that can HONESTLY say that they have never felt attraction to someone else after a covenant or commitment of any kind. … The suppression of sexual behavior is what causes the deviance that decays the society like the rapes and unhealthy behavior. Personally, I like the Marvin Gaye approach. I may want you, but I want you to want me too. If my wife did not want to have sex with me, I would definitely respect that. But she has to also respect that she has no more right to abstain me from sex than I do to be overbearing to her with my needs.

        • Perry on May 11, 2011 at 1:23 pm

          Hookup. . . .u reali shudn’t b involv’d wif any1 wif dat mentality of gettin it outside. Aah. . .ahh,bro u disgrace us le wena bro…..(le wena means even u)in South African lingo

          • Greathookup on May 11, 2011 at 1:36 pm

            Perry, with all due respect. There is no way I could disgrace you if you are a man of your principle. Gabri’elle, God loves me unconditionally, as I do myself. I can appreciate you not understanding me, but a lack of your affection or un…derstanding anyone else affection for me does not affect me much. To both of you, or anyone else that disagree, Im cool with the disagreement. But you should really search your creed, principle, religion or what have you, if you feel that our disagreement is reason enough for antagonism. However, if you do feel that you do have more favor than me in God’s eyes, then I am cool with that as well, and I wish you nothing but good.

        • Shalena D.I.V.A. on May 11, 2011 at 1:24 pm

          @Greathookup—It’s because there is a bond created by sex. Sex is that powerful. And no, I don’t want my man being intimate with anyone else besides me. Sex means more to most women than a physical act, it’s emotional, too.

        • Gabi on May 11, 2011 at 2:14 pm

          Because its called Covenant Great. U made vows to each other bfore heaven n earth. Till death do u part. Wen God makes a covenant it remains eternal..not wen He gets sick n tired of us, or bcoz we’re js nt obeying Him n have bcome nonchalan…t n careless anymore. God chose us..js as u choose ur wife. We dnt grow incompatible wth God. We js bcom complacent n thts wot takes the spark out of it. If u rly want to n rly love ur wife God will honour u if u honour Him. So mch so tht He will change ur perception abt ur marriage. Tht is if u r married. Dnt give up Great. I can sense ur frustration n a lil bitterness, but mostly rejection. I know ive sed alot n then i also wana let u know tht God sees u too. N ur nt forgotten. But! The key is to honour God n He will honour u. Its only perceptions tht need changing. And if anyone can do it.. God can! Js be diligent in seeking n staying faithful. If u have bn unfaithful, i suggest u repent, else u rly wont experience the fullness of His Glory. God is all for marriages n relationships n He knows the Answer for He is the Answer. Thr is no otha Answer. I urge Him n u will find Him. P.s. Y the blank stare?? 🙂

  22. Gabi on May 11, 2011 at 12:29 pm

    no its a power struggle ok. Wen men withhold sex, as i have experience in my ex marriage, women dnt go cheating bcoz of it. Women smtimes marry men evn wen they dnt love thr men, they hav evry reason in the world to cheat, but dnt. I believ…e its a belief system 1, and 2 its definitely a power/control issue. Those men r abusive. Its thr nature. They may nt b abusive in the open daylight but they r at home, in many obsecure ways. Evn towards the kids. And esp if they earn a substancial income. These 2 usually go hand in hand. Its the male ego. If thr was no guidance as a child n the boy was forced to play the role of one of the parents, this usually stems out. If u love urslf, evn if u wer deprived, u wud NEVER EVER HURT URSLF. Y do it to ur wife. Its like putting a hot poker in her eye n asking her to smile abt it. Its mauling a beautiful thing u have n then telling it u Love it afterward. Tht is the most selfish act a man can do. Then the marriage is all abt him. And duz tht make the woman love him? No it makes her hate n resent him evn more. But im guessing tht he duznt really care as long as he gets wot he wants. God wud neva force Himself upon us. Imagine if God forced His will upon a man! How wud he feel if the Almighty were to pressure Him n he had no way out, like a trapped animal?? I know wot tht feels like. I have been deep in the mind of a psychopath. Guys dnt fool urslves into making excuses for this behaviour. If u can rape ur wife once, ull ask forgiveness, but ull do it agen n agen n agen n agen n agen. Whr will it end? U will be nothing more than the common rapist. Jail material. Can a woman rape a man?? I rly doubt it, unless she drugs him or sumn rly sick. Women dnt allow this to hapn to u. Dnt gv ur power away. If ur being made a victim of this, seek help. Do not keep quiet about this bcoz this is wot thz abusive men r counting on. Ur silence. Get a lawyer if need be. Its the most practical advice i can give. Rape/abuse was neva part of the marriage vows.

    • Greathookup on May 11, 2011 at 1:25 pm

      Gabri’elle, I cant help but sense a bit of tainted experience in your explanations. Men are raped constantly with obligation, guilt, and under appreciation. Especially the good ones. Not to include sexually. Yes, men have sex a lot when… they dont want to, with women they dont necessarily like or have a desire for. But not to be oversensitive about it, lets be real. Its sex. Thats it. While its much more pleasurable when it is mutual, It is no less violating when either party is not willing.

      • Gabi on May 11, 2011 at 1:42 pm

        lol greathookup thr is no point. U may judge all u like. U sound to me like someone tht is afraid of commitment. Ur in covenant wth God great. Ur alrdy in a committed relationship..or didnt tht strike u? Lol! Now all u hafta do is get ur he…art to follow. I rly dnt think for one second tht God will bless the kind of mentality ur thinking abt marriage. I mean God says He is my Husband ya. He gives me all i want.. So as long as im looked after tht means God can cheat?? Lol! Wot wud tht make God?? God is ur Husband too Great. Imagine if He said tht abt u. Ill provide for u well but Ill go cheat on u wen i want. Wot duz tht make God?? A liar! Untrustworthy! Hypocrite! Snake! All these things. We serve a Holy God who Honours n stands by Truth. Imagine if Jesus came to this earth n was filandering wth women?? Wot a God wud we be serving. Men r meant to submit to God n b the leaders n priests n kings of the homes..just as God is over us. Wot example r u setting then? And wot God do u serve? Plz Great dnt condone tht wch ”seems” right n then try n justify it by using God as a shield. He stands for truth n honour and all tht is pure. In closing.. A God tht says: ”Thou shalt not commit adultery” dare not go against His own Word. Do not be complacent in ur thinking. Do not be conformed to this world..but be transformed by the renewing of ur mind. God bless u Great. 😀

    • Shalena D.I.V.A. on May 11, 2011 at 1:35 pm

      @Gabr’ielle—WOW! I’d love to hear your full story. I think you made some great points, too!

  23. DJ on May 11, 2011 at 12:30 pm

    will give you this scripture and let you decide: “The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And LIKEWISE the husband does not have authority over his own body but the wife does.” (1Cor 7:4) Some believe there is NO RAPE in marriage…and if we believe God’s word to be true…which it is, then what’s the argument?

    • oh no she didn't on February 17, 2012 at 7:23 pm

      you made an excellent point that is why HIV is more prevalent with women who are in committed relationships. Because if your husband is cheating or down low or a drug addict, or god knows what else then you the wife will suffer the same fate because of this bible passage women wait to late to get out of a relationship or they don’t use precaution when they should with someone they are unequally yoked with.

  24. Rochelle on May 11, 2011 at 12:31 pm

    If my husband is a cheater..a flirter…a drug user…not a provider not walkn the walk…then he wants ME to have sex with him and i say no….if he proceeds to throw me down and take what is supposed to b rightfully his….then that is rape to me….and im pressn charges….u treat ur woman right..provide for her …respect her and she will not have a REASON 2 say NO….im just sayn

  25. Terrance on May 11, 2011 at 12:31 pm

    He could of masterbated

  26. Kaykay on May 11, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    I can sympathize with the lady in the article. The same thing happened to me and to this day he still thinks that he didnt rape me. When a woman says NO, thats what it means!!! Now i dont know how their relationship was before he raped her?… But when the communication is broken, resentment, no respect for each other, thats when everything else goes out the door. I hope the counseling worked and she has a better relationship with the next man. If not she could go through that again.

  27. Rhonda on May 11, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    The Bible says that a woman should submit herself to her husband, and that includes her body.

  28. Mikenda Early on May 11, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    I have read the comments today and it saddens me that so many people think that so many people take one scripture and dissect it to fit there needs. We wonder why so many married women stay with there abuser. The men take till death us part literally and some women do too. God want us to use wisdom and he in no uncertain terms want use to be abused and No means No!! Men need to quit focusing on the No’s and think about all the times women have said yes.

  29. Greathookup on May 11, 2011 at 2:13 pm

    And lastly for me, the word that seems to surface often is respect. Last time I checked in most religions, God gave us free will. Respect is embracing others and their free will, as long as it is not causing casualty. If something is toxic, by all means let it go. But if you are causing the toxicity, you have to be equally as vigilent, and let go as well.

    • Tony on May 12, 2011 at 1:23 pm

      Greathookup free will is not in the bible though we have it..however, ADULTERY, FORNICATION, SEXUALLY IMMORALITY, HOMOSEXUALITY are called SINS against GOD MANY TIMES! The bible also say that they are sins against your own body!

      • Greathookup on May 12, 2011 at 1:38 pm

        Ok….Let me save all of us some time. I am not a Christian. A lot of the points you are making are based on religious doctrine and that simply has no bearing on me. But as I said earlier, our differences can coexist without infringing on each other. So I can concede to agree to disagree.

        • Tony on May 12, 2011 at 1:55 pm

          Well I employ you don’t use religion to make a point about free will and not be willing to except religions views on the sins of sex done improperly!

          • Greathookup on May 12, 2011 at 2:13 pm

            @Tony, I didnt say I didnt believe in God. I said I am not a Christian. There is a difference.

  30. dj on May 11, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    wants you to define LOVE? There’s lots of talk about it…so please….ENLIGHTEN ME. We need to get that straight 1st…cuz most people dont even know what love is. They know LUST and call it love, but they HARDLY know what God’s definition is! And really, that’s all that matters!

    • Gabi on May 11, 2011 at 5:00 pm

      D J all i can respond to u is. Treat others as u would have them treat u. U wudnt do to urslf wot u do to y do it to others? But if u do, u quickly feel it boomerang on u. 😉

      • Greathookup on May 11, 2011 at 5:05 pm

        Love = Inspiration

    • Tony on May 12, 2011 at 1:25 pm

      ‎1 Corinthians 13 is a whole chapter about what love REALLY IS!

    • Gabi on May 12, 2011 at 1:27 pm

      D J u came in late on the conversation. N thts rly irrelevent since the topic was rape in marriage…not love really. Love is a very vast topic..n we will have endless discussions abt it. But if u rly wana know. I think God explains it best in Galatians 5:22. Sry tht was a brief version. Its too intricate n delicate a subject to discuss. But the fact tht ur alive shows God’s Love toward u. 😀 whoohoo!

  31. Sheila on May 11, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    The bible also says that men are to love their wives as Christ loves the church! Does Jesus try to force us to do anything? No. We can come back to Him whenever we feel like it and He will accept us with open arms!

  32. Rochelle on May 12, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    Wow*this is deep!!*so many different opinions*n and out of the BIBLE*GOD gave us all common sense*now if we roll PLAYN*imma play along*LOL*but if u mad at me and doin this becuz im weaker than u or u r stronger than me*thats what rapists do*use their strength*men stand back*look at urselves*Y WUD U HAVE 2 RAPE A WOMAN U LOVE*RESPECT*CARE 4*PROVIDE 4*R FAITHFUL 2*Y PRAY TELL WUD U HAVE 2 RAPE HER!!!!!!

    • ShalenaD.I.V.A on May 12, 2011 at 1:31 pm

      @Rochelle-I’m still trying to catch up on all of the comments. LOl! They are interesting. How you doing, girlfriend!

      • Rochelle on May 12, 2011 at 1:42 pm

        @diva*girl im doing good*awesomely blessd*thIS topic is off da chain*i love it*got me wishn my husband was here so he cud rape me*LMBO*but he rapin himself by denyin the best love he will ever get*next to JESUS and his mom*so everyone keep debatin*b4 i let ANY man rape me of ME OF MY SELF WORTH*hes got to go*IM JUST SAYN

    • Tony on May 12, 2011 at 1:36 pm

      Let me clarify something..the question was is it called rape when your married. Therefore, according to the WORD OF GOD, it can not be called rape If your body doesn’t belong to you and it belongs to your spouse. People get married not unde…rstanding that you give up your rights! Now I know many woman say that for this reason or that one is why you don’t want to have sex..the thing about that is GOD didn’t say that your husband had to be or do what you wanted him to before you give yourself to him..that’s out of our own selfishness. GOD said don’t deny one another there was no only if he/she did what you want them to do or if you felt like it! HOWEVER, if you LOVE someone then you DO NOT do anything to bring harm or pain to that person! The problem is we are ALL too selfish and believe that the other person is suppose to make us happy, when GOD tells you to put each other FIRST! IF we ALL followed GODS commandments in that then there wouldn’t be rape, or infidelity! So it’s not rape but it’s not love either, so to treat a woman without LOVE is the greater sin! The two greatest commandments Jesus gave were both about LOVE!

      • ShalenaD.I.V.A on May 12, 2011 at 1:46 pm

        @Tony—what was done to the woman in this article was rape. It was brutal force.

        • Tony on May 12, 2011 at 1:48 pm

          @ Shalena in my view, RAPE is done against your will, but if your body doesn’t belong to you when you’re married then he can’t go against his will..HOWEVER, a woman can be SEXUALLY ASSAULTED by her husband, because he VIOLENTLY abused his …right to have sex with her, because he did not LOVE her as himself! I believe we attach terms to things that doesn’t qualify as that! Now what needs to happen in this situation concerning marriage is that the law needs to place as much seriousness and punishment to sexual assault as it does rape..because the fact she’s your wife gives you NO right to abuse her in that way. GOD says love your wife as yourself and that you are to CHERISH HER! IF you won’t abuse yourself in that way DO NOT ABUSE HER!

          • ShalenaD.I.V.A on May 12, 2011 at 1:50 pm

            @Tony–we’re not going to see eye to eye on this and it’s okay. Can you answer the post about men not being able to forget a woman’s transgression? Maybe we can learn something from a wise man like you–seriously!

          • Rochelle on May 12, 2011 at 1:52 pm

            @tony…(putn on my boots& stepn out)so u sayn that if a man is runin around*sleepin with ANYTHING that opens their legs*NOT walkn GODLY*spendn his money on motel rooms to sleep with other women*leavin the key for me to find*calln me miss …christian bcuz im goin to church and he aint*stayn out with his friends ALL night & some weekends*i know what the BIBLE says about bein submissive*but honey it also says a man must cleave to his wife AND forsake allllllllll others*so if u think u talkn to women who dont know the word also*i say u got ME twistd*n this day & age with aids and alll dem other diseases out there*imma say no*& if he commences to force me*then he n trubble*i love my temple*i will NOT allow myself 2 b violated*husband OR not*sheeesh men*like satan *picks out what suits them*smh *sorry diva*i went there*ssmh

          • Gabi on May 12, 2011 at 1:53 pm

            Tony getting all politically correct abt it n renaming is for wot it is dznt diminish the act of wot rape is. It dznt reduce the fact tht he had sex wth her against her will probably bruising her, tearing her, hitting her, biting her, typin…g her up, forcing his tounge down her throat, closing her mouth to muffle her cries.. Is tht graphic enough for u Tony. Plz dnt try n make it sound so legalistic wen the act itself is heinous, and thts wot men call LOVE! Now if i were a man doing it to u Tony..u wud definitely call it sodomy not so? Y try n make it sound so minisculy matter-of-fact, wen clearly its not??! Reality check plz.

      • Rochelle on May 12, 2011 at 1:54 pm

        Tony…im just glad u aint my husband with that type of viewpoint…I wud b like come on cletus….Step on over here..I wud b doin some serious repentn from my jail cell…Lol.. and iffen u r married..i have deep sorrow for ur wife and will b prayn for her….yupppp

        • ShalenaD.I.V.A on May 12, 2011 at 1:56 pm

          ‎@Rochelle– ROTFL– “Come on Cletus!!!” LOL! Tony is a good guy. I appreciate hsi viewpoints because he alwasy backs them up unlike the other guys in here–LOL!

          • Rochelle on May 12, 2011 at 2:00 pm

            Yeah…he backs em i c…but only with his half…c i know my part also..i cant and will not b sumissive to a man who has not brought his own flesh under submission*im sorry* i cant do it*not trynna be disobedient or anything like that*i wa…nna stay healthy so i can jump and shout and sing praises to my LORD*tony u bring up some good views*and some ungodly man will come along and b like c*c what he said*u posed to let me do what i want*& the woman not knowin*will b like ok*while she walkn round bruised up with black eyes and such*aint bout to happen captain…..Not here….Nope not here*i fight back with the sword too*my husband thot he had a fool*thats y i startd goin to church & annointin my doors and HIS side of the bed*hahahaha*the satan n him cudnt handle it*ran him smooth up out of here* & i (gently) closed da door bhind him*now i go to overcomers meetns at my church*bcuz i have truly overcome the imp of stewpitity*THANKN GOD 4 HIS DELIVERANCE & HIS MERCY

            • Tony on May 12, 2011 at 2:11 pm

              I meant because you’re not reading everything I wrote! I don’t understand why u think that sexual assault is not as serious as rape! Everything that happened to that woman was assault isn’t that basically what rape is? What difference is your wording from mine!

              • Gabi on May 12, 2011 at 2:11 pm

                well i guess if u stand in court n say sexual assault is sounds more politically correct bcoz theyre married. But if it were an unknown woman it wud b called rape n the charges wud b tht much harsher not so? Rape is rape wether ur married o…r not. Using a euphemism duznt soften the blow on the actually act. Its js tht ur tryn to make it sound unbelievable.. Ur tryn to make it sound justifyable js bcoz theyre married. No Tony i cant say agree wth ur wording.. N her body is urz..y r u brutally mauling ur body?? Y r u raping ur own body?? Wud u sodomise urslf? I doubt it. And if u were sodomised n the Authority came along n said ”o oh no he was just sexually assualted, thts all..” how wud u feel? Ur diminishing the reality of it. Tht woman feels js as mch pain, if not more pain, than a strange woman..bcoz shez hurts more bcoz she duznt expect to get treated like tht by sumone who sez he loves her.

                • Tony on May 12, 2011 at 2:18 pm

                  Rape- to seize and take away by force

                  Assault- a VIOLENT physical or verbal ATTACK; a threat or attempt, act of inflicting offensive physical contact or bodily harm that puts the person in immediate danger!

                  NOW which sounds worse to you?
                  …However for the record when you look them up in the dictionary their definition are synonymous to each other. However, because of what the bible say is why I said what I said. But as Shalena said we don’t have to agree on terminology! & Rochelle u can twist what I say all u want but the bible say to submit to your husband as to the also says not to leave(nor run away) your husband because you can win him over by your actions not your words! See I don’t speak this as just my half as someone said I also talked about men LOVING their wives as themselves and as Christ loves the church! I also speak from books read and marriage conferences I’ve attend and it’s a female pastor that says basically the same thing. We perish because we know in PART! Lean NOT on your own understanding! As I said before you read EVERYTHING I write in FULL context then you would see that! I appreciate the debate ladies I welcome it, it helps me grow as a man, husband, and father! Til tomorrow!

                  • Rochelle on May 12, 2011 at 2:22 pm

                    He aint bout to force me to do aint gonna happen*i stand fully by what i say*u r not gonna come n here and FORCE urself on me*GOD 4give me*i will not sudmit myself to anyone who has not put me at the top of his list next to GOD*…i respect me*tony…i am readn what u say and how u word it*if he has to SEXUALLY ASSAULT me and i am his wife*then why shud we have to go that deep*im home mindn my own self biznez and here u come like a rapist to SEXUALLY ASSAULT ME*U MUST BE OUT OF UR RABBIT TAILD MIND IF IM GOIN TO BE DISRESPECTD LIKE THAT*what happen to lovin me as he loves himself*i dont live n deep africa somewhere*wasnt no cows given up 4 me*u got to come at me better than that*i AM a child of GOD 2*im worth more than rubies*i am a gift from GOD*i am black QUEEN and i WILL B TREATD AS SUCH*I AM A HELPMATE*& i will help u open the door and get out*just like i did*let one of ur daughters come and tell u she been SEXUALLY ASSAULTD*C IF U STAND BY THAT THEN*NITE TONY….SMH

        • Tony on May 12, 2011 at 1:59 pm

          For all of you attacking what I said how about you read EVERYTHING I WROTE AND STOP FOCUSING ON THAT WHICH YOU WANT TO FOCUS ON! @ Rochelle you will also notice that I’m OBVIOUSLY NOT the man you think I am because you’re reading EVERYTHING I WROTE! Take ALL of it in context! TRUTH IS TRUTH rather you like or agree with I or not!

  33. Elana on May 12, 2011 at 2:01 pm

    There was a comment on here saying our body does not belong to our husband. Where is that in the Bible?! Yet, the Bible does tell the husband to respect the wife. So if she tells the husband no every once in a while he should respect that. If she is telling him no too often then they need to find out why instead of resorting to those kind of things. God is able!l

    • Rochelle on May 12, 2011 at 2:24 pm

      ‎@And lawd boy..i didnt run him away…i annointed him and all his little demons out of here..GOD giveth and HE taketh away*HE delivers u from evil*HE deliverd me becuz we were UNEVENLY yoked*i will not stand n the presense of evil doers*u …got that..I SURE DID*IM THRU WITH THIS*im bout to get fleshy*and i need to pray that GOD dont send back my SEXUAL ASSAULTER*I will not waste another 2 years prayn 4 someone who obviously dont want to b saved..i done turnd him over to GOD*its a done deal*thats my word…….yuppppp

      • Rochelle on May 12, 2011 at 2:25 pm

        My bad 20 years…from 1993 to the present….stay blessd

      • Gabi on May 12, 2011 at 2:26 pm

        Rochelle i prayed for 4yrz. The more i prayed the worse it got. Eventually i decided tht if God’s gna change him, He will hafta do it wthout me. He truly brought out the worst in me. I now am a far cry frm the person i once knew b4 i got ma…rried. But God is healing me n i have bcome whole wthin myslf. Yes sm things still hurt vry mch..wen i think abt them. And i will hafta forgive.. And its a process.. But as for Tony i can tell u now tht nothing i wuda done wudve change tht man. If i sed something i was, if i sed nothing i was wrong n both of these things wud lead upto a beating. These things wud continue in2 the early hours of the morning..i wud fall aslp. He wud tell me tht i cnt sleep..he will tell me wen i can slp n tht he is my god. In these times he wud b talkn all the time, i sed nothing. If i did answer u can b sure tht it wud b a severe penalty. Im sry but i was born free..i wasnt born a slave..i serve God, no other god. Tony i know ur tryna help. But wen uve walked a mile in those shoes only then will u undastand. If tht man loves God he will undastand abt a woman’s body belonging to him..

        • Rochelle on May 12, 2011 at 2:32 pm

          @ gabrielle…i so feel u*i came 2 realize that if he kept doin these things i had to forgive to b forgiven*if i didnt *i wud loose my forgieness*so i decided to let GOD do the 4givin*im not JESUS and the flesh does get tired*constant conf…usion waz n my home & GOD is not the author of confusion*he never knew of the oil n da house*it was gonna help him or run him and his little friends out of here*i prayd*FATHER GOD if there is anything and anyone n my home who is not of u or 4 u*please feel free to clear it out*ummmm funnee but my “husband”*protector*provider*head of my household*lover*friend*prayer partner*was the only one to leave*ive been a happy camper ever sense*got out my vacuum*vacuumd up da eggshells*bcame an usher at my church*now i usher people n2 the house of GOD*I LOVE ME NOW*I LOVE ME NOW*i did this for years*cryn*submittin*waitn on him to come home broke*it was me or him*i call that self defense*im free 2 praise GOD now….yuppppp

  34. Lovie Miller-Thomas via Facebook on August 23, 2011 at 7:27 pm

    Absolutely! The definition of rape does not change because you say i do!

  35. Lisa A Gore via Facebook on August 23, 2011 at 7:27 pm

    yes! a husband can rape his wife!

  36. Greathookup Daht Cahm via Facebook on August 23, 2011 at 7:30 pm

    We have discussed this before mami and YES. It is possible to rape your wife. For the people who say no, I have only one question….Is marriage a Team Concept or an Ownership Clause?

  37. LaJaniese S. Washington via Facebook on August 23, 2011 at 7:31 pm

    Most def. No means no no matter the situation.

  38. Lisa A Gore via Facebook on August 23, 2011 at 7:31 pm

    wow, what a sad article!

  39. DuClair IstheOne via Facebook on August 23, 2011 at 7:32 pm

    Yikes! Well actually, I know a lot of married couples who don’t mind if their spouse handles their biz while the other is asleep. If someone says no, its no. It depends on the couple tho. Every relationship is diff based on the 2ppl.

  40. Joice Valentine via Facebook on August 23, 2011 at 7:34 pm

    Yes a husband can rape his wife. No means no..

  41. LaJaniese S. Washington via Facebook on August 23, 2011 at 7:37 pm

    @ DuClair, in the instance you mentioned, the key is they don’t mind which hopefully means they have had some conversation and have an understanding about handling their biz while their partner is asleep.

  42. James Ivan Patterson via Facebook on August 23, 2011 at 7:37 pm

    Shalena no still means no. If my partner tells me no, then that means no

  43. Linda Glaude via Facebook on August 23, 2011 at 7:39 pm

    Yes mame, no always means no regardless of who you say it to, regardless of the situation. I man who loves his wife would never consider doing such a horrendous thing.

  44. Walter Barrett via Facebook on August 23, 2011 at 7:42 pm

    Without question! I know i tried even tho she said no but she always ” clank~clanked” on me and evetnually I went to sleep.. Lol.. But that is very sad to force your will upon someon?e you say you love, @Duclair u cant believe that any woman would love to be brutalized that way, thats going into a sadistic mode dont u think bruh.. Im just sayn..

  45. ChariT's Inspirational Creations via Facebook on August 23, 2011 at 7:48 pm

    Yes it surely does!

  46. Darcentas Hinnant via Facebook on August 23, 2011 at 7:50 pm

    In the sight of God, a woman is to be submitted to her husband, wether she feels like it or not. She is under his authority. Now she should be able to explain her reasons for not wanting to, and he should respect how she’s feeling. However we have gotten so far out the loop, that anything goes. They have even taken the word OBEY OUT OF GODS WORD, and everybody’s ok with that, but yet they read GODS word to perform the wedding. Now I’m not agreeing to NO MAN RAPING HIS WIFE cause that’s violating her person. Make sure you marry the right man that would understand and RESPECT YOU!! TRUE LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL, TRULY! AND THAT GOES BOTH WAYS!!!!

  47. Kaykay Kay via Facebook on August 23, 2011 at 7:53 pm

    I’m torn on this one. If we go by what God’s word says u belong to each other and sex shouldnt be deprived. But also depending on the relationship (especially if its an abusive one)it is rape. Jmt

  48. Angie Hardnett via Facebook on August 23, 2011 at 7:54 pm

    I am sure the BIBLE wasn’t speaking to take it by force, No means no, Stop means stop. EVEN if I am making up that headache!!!

  49. Greathookup Daht Cahm via Facebook on August 23, 2011 at 7:55 pm

    For the gentlemen on this thread…I need to know something. Say in your relationship, the fire is simply dead. Now your woman will do it with you, but at best, it is uninspired and methodical out of its obligatory manner. You have options, time and opportunity to discreetly and responsibly do it with someone else that knows your situation and is willing. Which option do you take? (Please keep in mind, I am not religious, so doctrine has no bearing on me. I need to know a reason that is substantiated by something other than religion)

  50. Mikenda Early via Facebook on August 23, 2011 at 8:03 pm

    @Darcentas this way of thinking is the very reason why so many rapes in marriages go unreported. Yes God says submitt to your spouse but he didn’t say allow yourself to be brutalized. It also say love your wives as christ loves the church and I don’t see anywhere in the bible where god says allow anyone to forcibly take anything from you husband or wife.

  51. Talmeedah Greer via Facebook on August 23, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    And another thing…on the topic of a woman being required to submit her lady parts to her husband, what about if she wants to and her husband does not? Does she have to submit to that too? Is this school of thought saying that a married couple can only be intimate when the husband wants to be and otherwise that’s it? This is complete foolishness. Submission in marriage is not about owning someone elses cookies. The very idea of that is ridiculous.

  52. Walter Barrett via Facebook on August 23, 2011 at 8:07 pm

    @CAHM. YOU DONT HAVE OPTIONS, AND ANY TIME THAT YOU HAVE YOU SHOULD BE TRYING TO BREATHE LIFE INTO YOUR MARRIAGE.. NOPE NO REASON FOR YOU TO STEP OUT,NO EXCUSES! FAITHFUL~LOYALTY~Are the words we should breathe into each other. Remember when u take that option package on the new car its usually a heavy price to pay.. Imjusayin!

  53. Walter Barrett via Facebook on August 23, 2011 at 8:13 pm

    @TALMEEDAH. The word of God says submit one to another.. It also says for a man to treat his wife like a expensive vase. Like shes the delicate easily broken. Some men and men of the clothe have failed to make that plain,that it goes both ways. But with submission really comes authority.. Think about it! Ok thats enough.. Lololol

  54. via Facebook on August 23, 2011 at 8:20 pm

    Greathookup.. sleeping around will only make your problem worse. You still have to deal with home.

  55. via Facebook on August 23, 2011 at 8:22 pm

    Dar and Kay… I understand where you’re coming from but forcible rape by a husband seems ridiculous. He can get it another time. A lot of women have headaches. But when a woman objects he should take heed. She’s a human being with feelings.

  56. via Facebook on August 23, 2011 at 8:23 pm

    for the record men withhold relations too. But in no vase do I think couples should deny each other unreasonably.

  57. Walter Barrett via Facebook on August 23, 2011 at 8:29 pm

    @Diva I agree,thats usually a sign of control. Most time us men that have to have that kinda control are usually out of control.. But again Diva. Have to steal a page from Rodg, how does this stuff continually happen when there are so many indicators?

  58. Aaron Xavier Taylor via Facebook on August 23, 2011 at 8:30 pm

    @Greathookup: That’s not even a question.If the fellas are truly honest with themselves, they’ll realize that there’s NEVER a reason to cheat. He either remains faithful & communicate with his woman about what’s deficient in their relationship and work together to rekindle the flame; or suffer for his infidelity – BADLY. If no resolution is possible, after EVERY means of trying has expended, throw up the deuces – much better to bounce than to cheat. However, if she’s honestly willing to work at it, be VERY patient with her – having faith that it’ll pay off for BOTH of them in the long run.

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