I saw the lord for the first time in a long time
Maybe it was a long time
Cuz I kept telling myself it was the wrong time
No lie, I knew that if I
Died that night
I wouldn’t see the sky
So why should I
Waste His time?
I wasn’t ready to change my life of sin
I wasn’t ready to make the right decisions
Cuz the sex was good and I liked it
The feeling was strong I couldn’t fight it
Yet I feel so alone when the night ends
Just me, myself, and I no one guidind
My life too dark to see the light and
My body and soul continue fighting
After this nigga leaves
Another one comes
Id keep em coming and cumin
My way of runnun and shunning
The lords been grabbin me
Telling me to change
But I still stay the same
My soul takes hold of his grasp
But my body keeps reliving the past
Its no loving just sex
No cares just undress
Take me away to that place
Where I feel sane
But im only okay
For those few hours as you devour me
Over power me
Temporarily fulfil my needs
And when sleep
I often think
Will it even be this one next week?
I see this man in my dreams
This man is a feen
And me a young queen
Battling issues of divorce
My parents keep arguing
Always in court
Kinda short for my age
But cute all the same
And they say
Why you got so much booty at this age?
So much breast at this age
Girl you don’t look your age
that’s what this man would say
That’s what this feen would say
that’s what he’d say as he’d take my life away
Favorite uncle of the family
And always came in handy
For baby sitting
And maybe sitting
On the outside of the circle lookin in
Youd see no sin
that’s where my mother was
Never believing us
We told her a thousand times
Things just were not right
But still she left us wit ’em
And he kept us wit ’em
In his bed
Under his sheets
Full of tears
There id bleed
Stolen virginity
Now 18 years later
Still it is he I see in my dreams
They say you grown now
Move on now
Find a good man and settle down
But I cant settle down with no one
Lost all my trust in men
Cant even hug my own father
Seein tears from his daughter
Caused by his brother
They shared the same mother
But still I deny
Any kin to him
And these men to him
Are just like me
Feens doing the same old thing
He labeled me a whore at 13
Cuz on that day by dark blue jeans
Fit a little too tight
And as I tried to fight
He pushed me down and said I was asking for it
So now all I do is keep asking for it
Using these men to relive my past
Hoping one day
I wont see his face
As they over power me
Devour me, temporarily fulfil my needs
And when I sleep
I often pleed for the lord
But when I sleep tonight
Ima search hard for that guiding light
Search for the lord cuz I need him
Search for his cure to stop my grieving
And well stay up all night and discuss my laws
And how to make them right.

Brittany “Reeci” Botts is an upcoming senior at the Abington Friends School. She is very passionate about diversity and is a member of the PRIDE student diversity group at her school as well as the Jewish Affinity Group and Allies. She is the cofounder of her school’s Black Student Union and cofounder and co-captain of her school’s Pep Squad. Many of the community service projects she is involved with focus on bettering the black community around her. Brittany is involved with an organization called Youth Action, which is designed for black youth to get involved within their communities. She heads the Junior Youth Action program, a mentorship for younger black kids, and The Voice program, a program created to raise awareness about sexual abuse against women. Brittany is also involved with an organization called Peace and Love which promotes peace and non-violence through poetry. She has expanded on her love for the Spanish language and travel by doing community service work in Puerto Rico and Chile. Brittany is a very talented poet as well and has won numerous awards for her spoken word. Her dream is to attend Spelman College and study sociology and anthrhopology to become a community activist. Overcoming the horrible experience of molestation at the age of 12, here is a story based on her own about dealing with the issue.

© 2010, Shalena D.I.V.A. – Personal Branding| Content Marketing| Product Creation. All rights reserved.


  1. ShalenaD.I.V.A on July 26, 2010 at 10:56 am

    Brittany, your performance of this poem at the Uniquely You Brunch left me speechless. Thank you for sharing this powerful story.

    What was it like for you to deal with this traumatic event initally? How did it affect you? How did you find the courage to overcome it?

  2. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by ShalenaD.I.V.A, ShalenaD.I.V.A. ShalenaD.I.V.A said: 31 by Brittany Botts: I saw the lord for the first time in along time Maybe it… http://goo.gl/fb/KfwwL Be blessed! […]

  3. Elaine on July 28, 2010 at 2:32 pm


    Thank you for sharing this powerful life journey you’ve had to endure. I applaud you exposing that demon “child molestion”. While I have never walked in your shoes I do know that GOD heals ALL wounds no matter how deep they are. He’s able to renew your mind to a point where you won’t even remember the things you’ve endured. I recall very faintly finding myself in a crazy circumstance howvwer, I can only remember bits and peices of what happened. And in remembering those bits and peices I begin to thank GOD for life because He spared my life that day.

    Brittany as I dnot lnow you personally you will remain in my prayers. I pray for a renewing of your mind and that you’ll be able to tell that story with boldness and courage because so many people have either lived it or living it. Rememeber GOD doesn’t waste any situations, good, bad, or ugly as they may be.

    Be Blessed,

    EB White

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